Yvonne Foong -

On A Bored Sunday Morning

2005-03-19T19:08:00.000-08:00

Yvonne, you're looking for a Soul Mate

Who needs a fling when what you want is the whole fairytale: long walks on the beach, up-all-night conversations, and watching sunrises/sunsets in each other's arms. You're probably a picky dater who doesn't connect with just anyone. Sure a strong intellectual streak, loyalty, and a great sense of humor are terrific selling points. But if your dates can't savor romance like you do, it might be the perfect match you're dreaming of. You're hoping to find your other half, that one person who can finish your sentences, someone who really 'gets' your inner emotions. And until you find them, you probably don't mind flying solo every now and then. That's because deep down, you know that being with the wrong someone is just an obstacle to being with your one-and-only. So even as you're reading this and thinking about how to find them, know that somewhere out there, they're probably wondering the same about you. It's just a matter of time.

Congratulations, Yvonne! Your IQ score is 120 This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

Yvonne, your destiny is to be a Facilitator

Whether you know it or not, this is the role that is most in tune with who you are at your core. As a facilitator, you're admired for your thoughtful decision-making skills and sense of duty. You exude a quiet strength, and when others want something done right, you are often the one they turn to, even though you don't call attention to yourself, often preferring to work behind the scenes more than in visible leadership roles. You are a solid, dependable person with a keen mind for systems and can easily assess their accuracy and efficiency. Just watch out for your tendency to categorize everything — not everything is black and white — because it will cause you to miss out on the subtleties of life. As long as you're aware of how rigid you can be, your orderly, neat ways can help you be incredibly productive in this life, in part because you never feel compelled to be a slave to flash and/or trend.

Yvonne, you're in your comfort zone when you're the Host with the Most!

Bring it on! You're not fazed by last-second get-togethers. Getting your friends together is more important than impressing them with perfectly planned parties. Fact is, you're laid back and resourceful enough to make any impromptu gathering work. No ice in the freezer? No fancy snacks? Who cares? You'll think of something. Whether it's a spontaneous cocktail party, or a backyard BBQ, you're at your best when you're bringing people together. Maybe it's the lively games you entertain them with. Maybe it's the hilarity of watching them strip down to bathing suits and take a running dive down the slip and slide. Or maybe it's just that when you're together with your friends, you can really take a load off and enjoy yourself. Who needs formal fetes and stuffy invites? You open your door and the good times just keep rolling in. So pick up the phone! Any time's a great time to call up your friends for a spontaneous bash! The food, fun, and perfectly chilled drinks are just a call away!

Adopt A Pet, Be Charitable

2005-03-17T21:24:00.000-08:00

My new found friend, Cordy, brought me to know of a group of young students with hearts of gold. Together, they voluntarily rescue animals from the streets and look after them until it is rehomed. They do not take in animals from people unless there are extra space to avoid being overcrowded.

Their main centre have recently been shifted from Bandar Sunway to SS19, Subang Jaya. In one three-month periosd, they managed to rehome 30 puppies. Every adoptee is kept in check by visiting their homes occasionally.

Because this group is independant, they are in need of donations and gifts from the public. A wishlist can be found in their website. www.sprvmalaysia.com

Adopt an animal and safe a life. If you believe in karma, this will give you merits and you will reap the rewards of your kindness one day. Did you know, a dog's bark keep thieves away?

Gift from Alan

2005-03-06T18:54:00.000-08:00

dizi Originally uploaded by Doey.

I was surfing the internet until past midnight. Suddenly, I heard sounds of the glass door unlocking so I thought the two brothers came home but after waiting for awhile, no one came upstairs. Scared, I hurriedly switched off my PC and went to sleep.

Only found out this morning that the mysterious person was ALAN! Gawd...why I never guessed so? Here's a gift from him.

I am surprised that he remembered my words. I just briefly told him about my interest in chinese flute. I also briefly commented about this china-made mat my mom have that's spoiled already. And guess what? He bought her a new one! He gave my dad chinese tea. He probably notice how devoted my dad is in serving the Gods. But the tea he bought is for drinking lar.

How thoughtful of the fella. So men do listen after all. LOL! Now my ex-collegemate, Kevin Tan is going to teach me how to play the dizi. Yay!

UN participation

2005-03-05T06:15:00.000-08:00

I am now an active participant of Unicef's Voices of Youth.

Voices of Youth is a website for young people who are interested in issues of human rights and development. Voices of Youth is particularly concerned with reaching and involving young people from developing countries, and youth who do not traditionally have a way to make their voices heard – or have access to the Internet. Voices of Youth also tries to attract young people who may not yet realize just how interesting and important child rights can be.

HEAR MY VOICE

2005-03-02T18:27:00.000-08:00

Finally, I am beginning to make a difference. It seems that many people are being referred here by other NF sites or search engine results. Some come here by other means and ended up being touched by my NF page. Keisha had just joined the NF Crew and she found out that many of them there frequents my blog. They've never left any comments so I didn't know until now. There are, some who left comments once in awhile.. just like Jenn.

I saw a link to your blogsite from a discussion forum and decided to come on in. I read some of yoour blogs and I want to commend you on your bravery and offer you my support with your fight with Neurofibromatosis (Type 2). I2 can't imagine what it must feel like to be you but I do know that you are a very brave girl and though you are younger than me (since I'm 23) I admire you in a very big way. Keep on blogging and know that the world is reading your thoughts and feeling for ya (if u don't mind that is hehe). Hope this can be a therapy for you because blogging has really helped me too.

SHE SPELLED NF CORRECTLY! Jenn, if you're reading this, thank you very much for your support. It means a lot to me to know that my blog makes a difference. NF is very unknown and I hope that the public will be aware of its existence to encourage early detection on those affected.

And not to forget the well-wishers and concerned who supported through e-mail.

Shangri-La; The Lost Paradise

2005-02-28T06:02:00.001-08:00

Written by Kiwik

Years ago a young man traveled across a large continent and a large ocean to an island that his parents had once called home. There he was introduced to a new culture and a new language. This journey inspired him to delve deeper into his roots, to learn the language of that small island nation, and to make an impact on their culture. This young man was Alexander Wang or better known to his ardent fans and veterans of the Asian music industry as Wang Lee Hom.

Since bursting onto the Taiwanese music industry in 1995 with his debut album Love Rival Beethoven Wang Lee Hom has released a total of ten albums. Just last year, Lee Hom started his crusade in Japan with his first Japanese album Hear My Voice. Now after just coming back from Yun-Nan, where he immersed himself in the art of traditional Chinese music, Wang Lee Hom has returned bring with him a new album Shangri-La.

Alexander Wang’s path to becoming Wang Lee Hom was a long one. Born in Rochester, New York, in 1976 to immigrant parents, Alexander Wang was the normal kid on the block. His family was well off; his father a doctor and his mother a librarian. Since he was young Alex had shown a great love for music. At the age of 6 he started to learn how to play the violin. Though most Asian children are usually pushed by their parents to take up this past time, Alex’s case was different, he chose to pick up the violin through his own will, which helped to foster his love of music rather than suffocate it. In school, Alex was part of the choir, while at home he diligently continued to play the piano and the violin. At the age of 17, Alex had a startling encounter with the Asian world of music and he was not impressed. The album was Forgettable Waters by Andy Lau Lee Hom later told the press, when asked about the incident in 2000 by the Strait Times, “That was years ago, well, I didn't mean to say that everything he did was boring. It just sounded like all the ke-lian (pitiful) ballads! It's nothing personal.” While this incident seemed rather remote, it sparked an interest in Lee Hom. He wanted to revolutionize the Chinese music industry. A rather ambiguous goal for a 17 year old; however, a year later Alex composed a 570 paged Broadway play.

At this time Lee Hom had already given up on the violin. Later he said of his quitting, “I realized that even if I spent a lifetime practicing, I would not be better than the best violinists of this century. And when I see the 14-year-olds playing the violin so well, I questioned the contribution I would make as a violinist. I asked my violin teacher if I had the quality to be a good violinist. He said that if I asked that question, it meant that I was just not good enough.” Though he ceased going to violin lessons, Alex continued to learn other instruments, teaching himself to play the guitar an act that many Asian Americans would condemn as a waste of time and Alexander’s parents were no exception. “My heart was in music then, but whenever I brought up this topic my family would object, thus I felt sad without any goals. Therefore since my brother chose medicine, so should I, hence I followed my parents' wishes”, Lee Hom later would explain to “Characters” magazine in 1998. When the time came Alexander went to college, just like any other kid. At William’s College Lee Hom majored in medicine and minored in Asian Studies. However, despite his parents’ discouragement, Lee Hom’s passion for music continued to grow and flourish. He befriended music lovers like him and recorded demos.

Eventually one of his tapes ended up in the hands of a prestigious producer and at his uncles urging, Alexander recorded his first album Love Rival Beethoven. It was a critically acclaimed debut in Taiwan and Wang Lee Hom had finally arrived. With the success of his first album, Lee Hom was able to persuade his mother to allow him to switch his major in his second year of college. Lee Hom graduated college with honors while juggling a career in Taiwan. “I promised myself that whatever my outcome in the entertainment scene was, I must finish my studies. That is the reason why when my first album sold well, I continued to record a few more but only did promotions during my summer holidays, and hence people were still unfamiliar to me”, he said later of his slow rise to popularity. For his graduating thesis, Lee Hom wrote the musical 'The Bite that Burns', further establishing his command on music.

1999 saw Lee Hom pursuing his studies in music at Berklee College in Boston as a graduate student. Oversees, Lee Hom was enjoying more success as well. Since transferring over to Sony Music in 1998, Lee Hom released his album 6th album Impossible Missing You. Later in 1999, he release Revolution for which he won two Golden Melody Awards for Best Male Performer and Best Producer. Lee Hom was just 23 years old and became the youngest recipitant of the award.

When asked about his music style Lee Hom replied, “My training in jazz and classical music has probably influenced my style of music. But I’m not a Westerner coming in with my own brand of music and just singing it in Chinese. Chinese music has a style that needs to be learned.”

Lee Hom’s respect for this style and his pursuit in learning it this style has contributed greatly to his growing success. The reason Lee Hom has pursued this goal for much of his career is to give the Chinese music industry a sense of self identity. As he says to his fans in his new album Xin Zhong De Ri Yue or Shangri-La as it is pronounced in a dialect of Southern China. “Chinese pop music does not have a strong enough sonic identity. Instead of being purely karaoke driven, instead of covering or imitating other countries' popular songs, we can focus on developing our own sound, drawing from the rich resources that abound in Chinese culture.” Words that many Chinese, even Asian, music fans would heartily agree with, as the number of America influenced songs rises steadily drowning out the unique voice of Asia. The need for identity and a distinct sound is a problem in Asian music and has yet to be found. Lee Hom’s Shangri-La is the beginning of this evolution. Still carrying an R&B tone, the changes are evident in the usage of tradition tribal singing and traditional instruments taking center stage in most songs. It is more of an experimental album if anything, as Lee Hom slowly develops a sound for Chinese pop music.

Now many may wonder why this development has taken so long and has only gone so far. China has an extensive history, spanning several thousands of years; however, its history as a modernized region only covers some decades. In the rush to modernize, China simply copied the West, leaving behind most of its culture. And it song has suffered. Instead of modernizing its song, China left it behind in the dustbin, leaving it for the “older” generations. But imitation often leaves the imitator empty and Chinese pop music is just simply a shell with no culture or meaning behind it, which some musicians are now trying to fill.

Wang Lee Hom is one who has been pursuing this for years; however Chinese pop can not depend on him alone. There must be others for the foundation of Chinese pop to be firmly rooted. The reason why there are so few others is that there are so few singers that study music theory, let alone the music theory of both the East and the West. Even lee Hom had not completely mastered the usage of Eastern theory until Shangri-La; most of his songs prior to this album had a distinct Western flavor. Eastern music does in fact have to be re-learned by those that have already studied Western theory. It is played on a completely different scale, the pentatonic scale, which only contains five octaves. Western music has eight octaves in contrast. To make these two music types match and blend together to create a completely different genre is a daunting task, a revolution. Chinese pop has undergone several revolutions in the past few decades, the most prominent being led by, Jay Chou, another Sony Music creation, who retook the airwaves for Chinese singers. Four years later, Lee Hom wants another revolution, a much needed revolution. It will come slowly, taking years and maybe even decades to reach, but one day the East will rediscover the lost paradise in itself, Shangri-La.

Not so Happily Ever After

2005-02-26T18:12:00.000-08:00

Back in school, everyone I knew have their very own dream wedding- even guys. They would tell me details right down from the enviromental setting to type of glassware they'd use. I was involved in such dillusive thoughts myself. It was like eating snacks during breaktime- it won't make you full but enough to feel happy.

But now, I hardly hear those stories again. The pro of it is,people probably came to realise that practicality comes first. But on the other side of the coin, they're most likely too busy to even dream about it.

How many women have I heard saying that they regret marrying, simply because being single is carefree? In this case, these women knows better than I do. They must be old and tired, you think? Well, part of them but some are just at the beginning. My mom used to tell me that men would do anything to win you over but once he has put that ring onto your finger, you'll become an item in the display shelf. I'd reply her that such women have just found the wrong men! LOL!

There goes a saying, Marriage to a women is the end of all worries but it's just the beginning for men. How wrong is that! I've known far too many women who have assisted their husband during the down times only to be treated unkindly when the fruits of their labour appear. Or worse still if it is the other way round.

I've been telling many people, love is more than just meet the eye, and heart. Loving someone is one and sharing your life with him is another. Many men thinks that being a housewife is the best job ever but little do they know that its a multi-task under the roof. And so many women are suffering from stress from such a situation and things get worse when their husbands does not see the problem to it and ridicule their wives.

So if you are thinking of committing further, think again...and again....and AGAIN! Is this the man who would share his everything with you in any possible situation? Is he worthy enough to stand the test of time? Is he stingy? Is he selfish? Is he considerate? Is he responsible? But often, you might be too blinded by love and infatuation to admit his flaws so ask a close friend who knows him well enough., but not any better than you ofcourse.

new email addy

2005-02-25T06:46:00.000-08:00

I've got a new email address YVONNEFOONG@LEEHOM.NET. I'd most likely use it for formal matters such as medical and educational purposes. But will they pass me as a crazy Lee Hom fan?

Invaluable Friendship

2005-02-24T20:22:00.000-08:00

It's overwhelming to rekindle friendship with an old friend. Well, the friendship was always there but we often get too carried away by mundane responsibilities to gather enough time to indulge into something more vital, communication. Especially this particular friend who was brought to this world as an ambitious and bullish LEO. It would do him injustice if I demand more. After all, he has set his priorities straight and friends are probably last in his list.

I do miss school for one reason. Friendships were probably more valuable and there was always enough time to sit around and gain some calories. I can understand the position that my friend is in because I have been in his shoes. He probably wakes up at 7am, gets ready to work and only returns at dawn of the moon for the final meal of the day. By time he adjusts himself to home-sweet-home mode, it's already time to call it a day and recuperate for tomorrow. Practically, the life of a working person is in the office.

I've seen this friend of mine transform from a nerdy and crappy teenage book-eater to whatever he is now. He's still in the midst of transformation so before final, I won't know who he really is. Maybe I will never know since we are under constant temperament until we exhale our last breath.

" Those who looks simple are more complicated than those who looks so "-Alicia Leong

As a friend, I would attest to those who compliment her as being philosophical because those weren't her original words. But nevertheless, she was right. My buddy sets a good example to Alicia's claim.

My friend looks as plain as the skies above and as rooted as the Petronas Twin Towers, so much that those who knows little about him would pass him as someone in random. Little do they know that behind this plain facade lies a big blue print of the pyramids of Egypt that stores countless mysteries and well.. mummies.

Pardon me, I don't mean that he is to be avoided but he's not so simple either. Maybe.. just maybe, his extraordinary innerself was what intrigues me to remain a loyal friend all these while.

First Philosophy Encounter

2005-02-20T23:56:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Elena and I went on an escapade to KLCC. She intended to scout for UV lightings but lady luck wasn't with her. As for me, I successfully made my purchase at the filthy-rich-of-books Kinokuniya bookstore. I made two humble purchases which are...

Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder
Philosophy; The Basics by Nigel Warburton

There are a few other books which I have set my eyes on but I figure it isn't wise to buy too many introductory books because their contents are almost similiar. To pass the first year of BA Philosophy, one has to sit for four units..

One being Introduction to Philosophy

And three further units from either Logic, Epistermology, Ethics, Modern Philosophy; "Descartes, Locke, Berkeley, and Hume"

There is also one book that caught my interest, it's entitled THINK by Simon Blackburn. A very fascinating book with an excellent style of composition. But at this stage, I am too dense to absorb everything in there and keep it for more than a slight moment once I put it aside. Hence, I decided that it'll be a future purchase when my intelligence heights. Here goes a rough excerpt from THINK's introduction.

It is embarrasing when philosophers and philosophy students alike are asked what we do for a living.

Ofcourse, being a philosopher is overwhelming and there is certain irony in his words. Actually, 21st Century philosophers no longer assume the pose of a 'thinker' the whole day. In fact, philosophy graduates are in great demand to manage corporate companies because of their critical thinking ability. LONG LIVE PHILOSOPHY~~!

Bridging to Routing Hazzard!!

2005-02-19T22:02:00.002-08:00

Lucky me! TMnet changed my speed to 1mbps without the need to be knocked on the head. I wonder what woke them up from their slumber.

You won't believe me but I had one hell of a time trying to change a simple configuration on my modem. I've a KASDA KE318D router modem. To use this modem with a wireless router, I first have to configure it to ROUTE. It's default configuration is routing and bridging but that option is good for its name only.

Lucky me to find a complete guide in an online forum with many people who successfully applied the steps in that guide into their configuration. But unfortunately, it didn't work well for me. It'd automatically connect to the net, and after one task, it'll disconnect and will not reconnect unless I reboot the modem. Since I lost my Artnet drivers to my last formatting, I can't alternatively connect with my 56kbps modem. Hence, I booted and rebooted, configured and reconfigured many times until the modem cheated on me. The DSL won't come on and it won't make contact with the PC.

Thankfully TMnet was kind enough to get it replaed this morning but only after I personally proved to them its the modem problem and not their port setting problem. *sigh* I made it a point to stress that it didn't work after I re-configured the MODEM. The staffs even insisted its my PC configuration problem. I think schools should teach better communication so they can analyse data better. And phone operators always make me repeat things.

So now, back to my modem. I'm just too scared to do it again for fear that sky will fall. What should I do!?!?!

Streamyx Speed Error

2005-02-17T04:10:00.000-08:00

Take the SPEED TEST to see what s your DSL connection. Seems like Telekom have an error in my subscription. I ordered for 1mbps and I'm only at 512kbps and even that, is not up to speed. I shall go to Kedai Telekom tomorrow and knock their heads. If this happened 2 weeks ago, I could have called up their helpline. I hope they only charge me RM66 this month. Otherwise, it's very unfair for poor ol' me.

One job settled

2005-02-16T05:44:00.000-08:00

I finally got the router right. It was plug and playing all the while. I just failed to realise that only the default browser(Mozilla Firefox) can be used to access its DHCP server. The manual did say that Internet Explorer is tested to work with the router. Well.. this very well shows that I am not thoughtful enough. Most of the time, I am so obsessed with the details that I fail to see the big picture.

Another shortcoming of mine is that I cannot stop doing things and always end up juggling a few work at a time. I have yet to finish the support group website, still in the midst of slotting info into the codes. Luckily, kind ol' David is willing to offer me some webspace so we don't have to rely on some commercial providers on the net. And before I get this settled, I'm trying to improvise the logo that Wei Jie made into a small badge so people can link us from their website.

I kinda got fed up with blogger and movabletype killed some of my braincells so I went hunting for another blogging tool and found serendipity. I downloaded it, decompressed it and then uploaded it onto the server after a very very long time. Gosh... the directory is humongous! But installation got me stuck cause of some mySql database settings. Should get that straight soon but otherwise, Serendipity is more user-friendly than movabletype.

Well, that's all this time. Will update again soon consideering that I am at home most of the time nowadays.

Busy Bee

2005-02-14T17:31:00.000-08:00

Didn't know I could be this busy even when I can't hear. Firstly, I am struggling hard to configure my wireless router. I've to go get some receivers later on. I might have gotten a good deal at RM130 per receiver. Then there is the sign language I am trying to master. I've memorized the 26 alphabets and some simple signs. FYI, it's American Sign Language. I've to remember to make copy for Elena and maybe Alicia. (but I don't see her often so maybe she might choose not to learn but hey she's doing Law maybe she might become a court interpreter. ok that's irrelevant but...) The NFFM WEBSITE had gone idle for one whole year and it is now time to revive things but quite differently this time. I decided that legal registration is too much of a responsibility at this stage so we'll just start an unofficial support group. Now, time to gather the men! CL Khoo had just recommended me some great introductory books on Philosophy which I promised to read up. Man, when will this pursuit begin? Should I really take up the study? As you know from my previous post, that I have safeguarded my PC. Now I've gotta find time to install Win XP Pro's Service Pack 2 which I had successfully downloaded it over the internet. But, do I really need it anymore?

Oh and before I forget, yesterday was Valentines so Happy Belated Valentines, people!

PC Security

2005-02-11T17:35:00.005-08:00

Doctor in US said the CT Scan isn't clear enough so we'll have to wait until March 2nd for the MRI appointment. He also said March is a good time so looks like it isn't acute. I'm going to dissapoint the audiologist at the ENT clinic because she prepared a hearing aid for me but at this stage, hearing aids aren't sufficient anymore.

Since now I can't hear, I can only do things alone. With the advice of Ed, I safeguarded my PC with AVG anti-virus, Ad-Aware, Zone Alarm, Spybot S&D, CWShredder and Registry Supreme Pro. Now I sound paranoid. My database is almost empty cuz my PC is only for internet use but that is dangerous enough.

AVG is a FREE anti-virus software that comes with FREE daily definition updates. It scans for viruses everyday at the specified time. It also scans any incoming and outgoing emails including pop3 emails. It's also very small in size and doesn't slow your PC down.

Ad-Aware is designed to provide advanced protection from known Data-mining, aggressive advertising, Parasites, Scumware, selected traditional Trojans, Dialers, Malware, Browser hijackers, and tracking components. With the release of Ad-Aware SE Personal edition, Lavasoft takes the fight against Spyware to the next level and it's FREE too.

Spybot S&D searches the computer for spywares and destroys them for FREE. Is Microsoft Anti-Spyware good? It stops spywares even before they can install themselves.

CWShredder is a FREE program that searches your PC for hidden bots that corrupts your internet browser and change your homepage to malicious websites such as coolWWWsearch and YouFindAll.

Registry Supreme Pro is a registry cleaner that doesn't come for free. It scurs your PC for useless registries and deletes them so your PC runs faster.

Sygate Personal Firewall is a good and FREE personal firewall that protects against trojans, spywares, worms and other known and unknown threats. It's easy to use and not as bulky as ZoneAlarm.

And lastly is the Disk Defragmeter that comes with Windows since Win98. It puts everything back into place to increase PC performance.

Now these should be enough. How surprised I am, after installing all these, to know that I am actually attacked by spywares, viruses and possibly trojans EVERYDAY!

My worst CNY

2005-02-10T04:31:00.000-08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! But I don't feel a pinch of joy at all. When I woke up on Monday morning, I noticed my hearing worsened but I still went to work as usual because I could still hear. I was even speaking to Keisha on the phone that faithful night. I went to have an audiogram done at the UMMC and I could still talk to the otologist tho' he had to literally yell and repeat many times. I also spoke to the A&E dcotor at GH but it was already very difficult. I was admitted that night and from Wednesday onwards, I cannot recognise spoken words without cues.

This is way beyond our expectations. The doctors think I can still hear until later in age but looks like lady luck ain't on my side. The otologist says my tumor is haemorraging while the doctor on call in GH is clueless. The surgeons and all are on a 5-days holiday since Wednesday until Monday for CHINESE NEW YEAR when they are NON-CHINESE. And I've to wait till they get back before I can set an appointment NEXT WEEK to see my surgeon and find out what is happening. This is totally ridiculous. This is supposed to be a benign tumor but I lost my hearing in the matter of HOURS. The CT scan I had on Tuesday shouldn't be reliable anymore. What if the otologist is right?

Luckily I still have Dr. Friedman to count on. I had just emailed him the scans. He does, after all, knows best than anyone in this country.

New Shell

2005-02-06T22:46:00.000-08:00

I finally got my 1mbps broadband inteernet running. I feel like riding a bullet train but my pc only has 256mb RAM. I wonder if it will get better if I increase the ram.. but nay I should be thrifty. There's some error in the router. The DSL doesn't go through when I hook it to the modem. I got this 10/100 Prolink wireless router for RM240. I think it's about time I get a new chair.

While I slept last night, my hearing worsened immensely. I am going to get an audiometry done tomorrow at UH and I hope they will release the result to me on the spot.

That's all for now... toodles.

Updates

2005-01-29T23:39:00.000-08:00

hey! konnichiwa! I am still alive! yeah! Life is fine but I forgot about Elena's birthday yesterday, how stupid! It's now 2 months since I first started working as pre-school teacher and each day is getting better. My relationship with the children is improving gradually. My PC is all set with a new HDD, installed winXP and changed my network card because the last one fried without my consent. The next thing I need to get is a wireless router. I'm still looking for better deals than RM240 which is the lowest price I found in Sunway Pyramid.

Swee Hong came back from Australia and Yewin had just left for New Zealand to complete his medical bachelor. Now I hope to meet up with Swee Hong, Owen and gang during the CNY festive season. Looking forward to meet Keisha next weekend and hopefully, our NGO will take flight in no time. That's all for now. Toodles!

Going... Going.. GONE

2005-01-18T04:46:00.000-08:00

As I am typing this, Alan is on his way to KLIA. He's going home for more than a month's holiday to celebrate Chinese New Year with his family. I saw him one last time before he left just now but I did not speak to him. At first, he wanted to return on the 28th but he brought the date to the 19th. And finally, he left today because of some stupid discount.

The last time we had a deep talk was on Sunday night. We talked for more than 4 hours together and time passed by in a breeze. How wish I could rewind the time. Cuz I am missing him even before he left! Is this the kind of feeling? When you are so used to seeing him first thing every morning and now he's gone for a whole month? A WHOLE MONTH!?! gee I hope he remembers the promise he made some weeks ago. I didn't even have the chance to remind him.

I hope next month will pass fast.

Cause and Effect

2005-01-14T01:50:00.000-08:00

The father of one student came to school today to enquire about his child's performance in school and the due fees. I told him that she has not been finishing her homework and he was furious saying that this is her mother's job. Later I found out that when the principal told her to show her book to her daddy and mommy, she replied that she has no daddy. Such a sad case. And she's only five! The other day the principal was so mad at her that she scolded her badly but she showed no remorse. She just starred back sharply at the principal without showing any signs of fear. In school, she always want to gain attention from the teachers and be different.

It's really a pity that children are always the main victim in marriage failures.

My 1st self-earned purchase!

2005-01-08T21:40:00.000-08:00

It's been a week since I got my first salary! I bought myself a new Hewlett Packard 3-in-1 combo. The feeling is magnificient. Yeah I know this is nothing to many people but things don't come easy for me and my family. I used to have an Epson printer but it was terrible. It's always out of order. I hope things are better with HP.

And just when I bought a PSI card and ready to install it, I realise that my PC is infected with a very nasty virus. It terminates every single task that I run. Now I wish I have the money to buy a new PC. *sigh*

Happy 2005!

2004-12-31T19:53:00.000-08:00

It's a new year! 2004 wasn't very long, come to think about it. But a lot did happen. Firstly, I entered college and tested the waters there. Met a bunch of wonderful friends like Mr. Liew, Voon Chea, Kevin, Eunice and all the others in MSC. I also gotta know wonderful people in LA who really made a difference to my health. Along th way I have lost contact and rekindled old friendships. In the blink of an eye, Tremayne is back from Singapore, something that I was looking for, for the past 2 years. But when it finally happen, it's not so important to me anymore. My good ol' brother Swee Hong is also coming back on the 4th Jan. I didn't even realise that time was actually passing. The day Swee had an open house was just like yesterday. Felicia, Amy, Yewin, Swee Hong and I gathered at his house for a feast with the rest of his family and friends. Jo Kim, my dear friend will not be back for some time still and fellow blogger, David, is leaving for Aussie this month, so as Yewin, for New Zealand and he probably won't return. Kenrick and Alicia finished their pre-U. Alicia's leaving this year while Elena and Kenrick are studying in their respective fields.

Seems like everyone is evolving except me. Well, I obviously go thru different temperaments. Everyone is changing socially but my milestones are all in the mind. Only those who really know me can see it.

I am now in Alicia's house. I stayed overnight here. Have to go back soon. Alan's cooking me dinner tonight before we visit Jie Yow. He should be in Carrefour shopping by now. How sweet. Once again, happy New Year!

What is my world made of?

2004-12-24T18:48:00.000-08:00

Your World (Part One): What is your world made of? [girls] brought to you by Quizilla

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MY FRIENDS!

KL day

2004-12-19T05:38:00.000-08:00

Had a fun time in KL today. Alan and I took a bus to Central Market and shopped around for a few hours. I bought Christmas presents for my friends. He wanted to buy this funky necklace for himself but I didn't like it so he didn't look for it anymore. Ah, drats, next time I'm keeping my mouth shut. But it's good in a way cuz he trusts my taste. hehe!

I realise he gets bored very easily. He has great taste for high quality things and nothing seem to satisfy him. *sigh* So he came home empty handed. He cooked me lunch. After much criticism from me, his 'fried rice' finally tastes great. Excellent boy, how bullish. Actually it's not exactly fried. I think the method is similiar to claypot rice.

That's all for today. Tomorrow is work AGAIN.

Recollection

2004-12-17T06:16:00.000-08:00

Many things happened this week. Last Saturday, I was with Alicia and her family the whole day. We had this yummilicious Nasi Lemak at Subang Parade which costs RM7.50 per plate, ideal for people like me who can't take spicy food. Then on Sunday, Kenrick, Alicia, and I had dinner together at Salmon steak. Alicia treated us Secret Recipe cakes. We came to my place after that and played cards with Alan. It was a very fun game.

Yesterday night, Alan and I went to this Christmas Gala at MSC Theatre Hall. We didn't really enjoy the show so we exited halfway through the show and headed to the staffroom hoping to find Mr. Liew there. And he was indeed there having supper all by himself. Poor thing. So we talked to him for some time and I'm glad that he's pretty impressed by Alan. They got along pretty well.

A lot of other things happened at work too but I don't feel like writing it here. We're going down to KL on Sunday for shopping. I think it will be great. Till then...

Smelling the Flowers

2004-12-14T05:18:00.000-08:00

God just knocked on my head. He reminded me about my AN. Argh! But thanks to him because I don't want to neglect my precious health. *sigh* the treatened are always most precious.

When I'm happily in a job and thinking of furthering my studies 'again', I am reminded that I have a time bomb in my brain that if I do nothing about it, I'm going to go deaf. And it's already difficult enough to be partially deaf. I shall refrain from writing about the emotional side of it, don't want to waste your time reading my craps. Dr. Lederman sent me info about FSR but I am not certain about him. On the other hand. John Hopkins is recruiting people for an FSR study for NF2 with AN. I really want to take part because that will greatly subsidize the cost but Dr. Rigamonti, the surgeon-n-charged takes forever to reply my emails, prob.cuz he does clinical n lectures.

You're prob. thinking, "but she said she was doubtful of FSR?" well yes I did say that but as days past, my hearing gets worse and I feel more hurt, the more eager I am to do something quick. but my intentions are always dampened by lots of delays. And ofcourse, the most important issue is MONEY. How am I going to raise RM150k if John Hopkins charges me? I did tell myself that I shouldn't look forward to things I can't achieve. But I feel really unfair if MONEY is the one that takes away my hearing.

This desire to treat my AN is so great now. It's like my natural instincts calling me that it's about time. I hope God speaks to me now. What should I do next?

KIASU

2004-12-10T07:36:00.000-08:00

That's right. I just notice that I am afraid to loose. I just found out that Alan has a bachelor's degree in Law (not cert nor dip.) and he's enrolled into Staffordshire University's Msc in Technology Management course. Aaaaaaaah! Ok. This is it. I am not gonna let myself turn into a bimbo. I am quite interested in this PHILOSOPHY course which is quite affordable and most suitable for my NF condition. Should I take it? Ofcourse, I have to take it's market value into account. Anyone with any clues?

Neverending Road

2004-12-07T06:41:00.000-08:00

My ROJAK soul
twisted, mixed up, and confused,
But what's causing this?
I'm doing fine, my job is good
my head's covered and HE's here,
So what made me this way?

I'm running along
this long and narrow road
with a lot of junctions,
I have no map, I have no clue,
I just pick one side in random
and hope for the best,
When will this end? Can I stop to rest
my soaring feet and pulsating cells?
I am tired of it all.

This time I really don't know why I'm feeling so perplexed.

My New Friend

2004-12-05T00:53:00.000-08:00

I sent Lina Gourdin an e-mail last week but she did not reply me. So I thought, 'what-the-heck'. Today, she mentioned me in her column in The Malay Mail, as her 'new friend'. So she did receive my mail after all. But why didn't she reply me? But it's okay. As long as she receives my message and understand my intentions are for her bettermen. For those of you who do not read that paper, Lina Gourdin is a journalist who has lung cancer. Few months ago she underwent surgery but now, the cells spreaded to other parts of her lung, or was it the body? I hope she will win this battle soon. I think she's quite strong because the lung is one of the vital organs and having anything to do with it creates a lot of inconvinience.

My 1st New Job

2004-12-04T03:01:00.000-08:00

Hey Hey! I'm BACK! Since the last post, I went for the MPO's chamber concert with Alan and TEEHEE! I still prefer him in casual clothes. I think the best thing we have in common is we can get very noisy when together. But at least, there's never a dull moment. haha! But he's still no match to Kenrick whose words I can't quite figure. and Alan's SO CUTE when he merajuk because I went shopping without him. aaw...

Then the next day, was my first day at work! My FIRST JOB! FINALLY getting out of the house yeah? haha! I'm a pre-school teacher. I teach in my company's 7th branch which is brand new. We've been doing a lot of unpacking and decorating for tomorrow's OPEN DAY. Yes, yes, I've to work when school have not started. But it's not boring cuz there's these two rascals runnng up and down making noises so things are quite lively.

And ofcourse, I wake up in time to watch Alan brush his teeth and cook breakfast before he sets off for classes. Then in the evening, both of us reach home about the same time and I get to watch him cook dinner~! Yum!!!!! And the whole house will be filled with tempting aroma. After dinner, we will usually talk and talk, until someone has something else to do. Then at night, we wish each other goodnight before we part to bed.

So basically, this is what happens everyday. Except for weekends when we will go out to have some fun.

Armour

2004-11-24T17:26:00.000-08:00

It's happening again. That mixed feeling of perplexed thoughts. Feels like milk shake bottled up inside, contents reaching the rim and about to explode. Once in a blue moon, I'll open to cap and let go some air to ease the pressure. But it soon builds up again. *sigh* why am I human?

I always thought of myself as an easygoing person. Probably the most forgetful critter around. But that's not always true. There are some things in the past that I cannot forgive myself. I still cling on to it, like it or not. But that's besides the point. Alan walked me over to Yen's place last night. It was just the two of us. He tried to strike up conversations. Well, that's the good thing when you have someone equally talkative. But since he asked me about my illness and my reluctance to tell, I've wearing this imaginary armour.

I don't know what makes the difference this time. Maybe I'm afraid of being categorised as ILL. I don't want to be known that way. This time, I hate changes. I don't want things to change for the worse. I don't want to loose what I have. But I also can't wait to break loose. *sigh* Maybe I'm sitting at home too much.

Shalt I read thee?

2004-11-23T21:17:00.000-08:00

To read or not to read, that is the question. It seems like literature compasses a big part of english language studies. There aren't many institutions around offering English Language courses without having to do with literature such as what's offered at Open Univ.

I've done it before. Didn't score well but I'd to cram 6 other subjects into my schedule. But it's much different now. Complete self study via distance learning, lotsa research, (hopefully no drama involved) and if I'm good enough, a diploma in 1 year and a BA in another 2 years. Or at my own pace since I'm gonna be flying about. Who knows, I might become a virtuoso writer. haha! But journalists are underpaid nowadays.

Then again, LITERATURE!?!?! HELLO! But then again, I'll be reading texts at completely different angles so.. it might be fun. But am I diligent enough for self study? *sigh* But think about a british degree from UOL for the cost of a proton car. Tempting, isn't it?

What about Philosophy? I think I'd be more interested in it than literature. I'm after all, inquisitive and intriguing. HEHE! But.. is it marketable in Malaysia? will I be able to get a job with it? Anyone knows anything about all these? Do drop a note.

Found a Soulmate

2004-11-21T20:05:00.000-08:00

Boo! Nah I'm not dead. I just didn't have anything to blog, that's all. Until now, I suspect my parents are hiding the fact that I've an eligitimate twin. haha! just joking. But really, I found a soulmate. (soulmates can be family, friends etc)

Yep, I'm talking about Alan. We share a great deal of common interests. We both like fine art, classical music, easy listening songs, company of a few good friends instead of a crowd and quiet places. Our favourite sport is figure skating and we both love to sing!

We dislike pc games, noisy & congested places, competition, fake people and we hate Jay Chou. We're exactly on the same base. We can be equally honest, patient & understanding. Our priorities are very close too! Gosh, God is being so kind to me. And he reminds me of Lee Hom! hehehe.. please excuse me.

Stress Panadol

2004-11-14T06:13:00.000-08:00

I woke up feeling depressed & knew I shouldn't stay home any longer. So I asked Alan if he's free & we headed to KLCC, wanting to visit the skybridge but later realise it's closed 4 Hari Raya! So we window shopped around 4 some time 'til I suggested Cosmo's World. We took a bus to Sungei Wang under the heavy rain & then headed to Low Yat Plaza to do something to his laptop. We had lunch there & it's really nice cuz we had a heart-to-heart chat. He's being so honest with me, I'm quite surprised to know that men can actually get so personal. After lunch, we went to Cosmo's World & played like mad until around 6 something be4 we headed home.

Alan's so sweet. He planned to visit his friend in SS2 but chose to accompany me instead & he does whatever I want. He always put me be4 himself in any situation. The poor fella was nausious at the theme park but he 'pushed' himself to the limit so I'd be happy. And I really did! Those rides made me forget my worries. But I think the most memorable part was running in the rain under a small little foldable umbrella, from KLCC to the bus stop, from the next stop to Low Yat & from there to Times Square. We got wet anyway but it was fun. haha!

Now I regret not buying the roller coaster candid shot for remembrance. sheeeeeeeesh!

BBQ at Phoebe's

2004-11-12T19:57:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was so much fun. It was Phoebe's barbeque party and I got to meet up with a lot of people I haven't seen in some time like Trent and Han. Alan came along too and I am so glad he manage to fit in thanks to Han because they both can communicate in mandarin, about the same age, and Han's working Alan's ambition. As for Kenrick, he turned up in the end cuz I smsed and said I hate him for not coming. Haha! cheeky cheeky~~! I played this car racing game on Syefri's laptop and wow! I'm amused by his graphics card and speed. Around 11 something, kenrick and I was flipping thru the papers and suddenly it hit us to watch a movie now and then. So I checked which cinema still sells ticket at that time and we rushed to midvalley by midnight. And we made it! thanks to Han's driving. We manage to buy the last 4 tickets, how lucky! we watched The Shutter, a Thai horror movie at past midnight! That was cool! Pity Kenrick had to go home alone when everyone else goes home to our families. hahaha! oh and the movie is good. better than those Japanese horrors. We were back at 3am. And tonight's Alicia's b'day bash so... I gtg!

Hearing Aids

2004-11-11T01:40:00.000-08:00

I am going to get a hearing aid. The biCROS seems good cuz it picks up sounds from the deaf ear and route it to the good ear and amplifies the sounds heard from the good ear as well. But my audiologist says that since I have bilateral AN, mild tinnitus in the good ear, the CROS might not sound good for me. So she recommends a normal hearing aid to improve the good ear to excellency. I hope that I will retain hearing for at least 30-40 years more before I will need the Auditory Brainstem Implant.

The doc will let me try on both aids to choose which I want. Hopefully the CROS is good. Then it is as though I can hear again! I am so anxious... but have to wait till January to do the fitting and then there's lots of tuning and programming to be done.

Should I or shouldn't I?

2004-11-08T08:11:00.000-08:00

I am accepted into this local community college in Johor to study a subject that only they offer in this country. It was weeks ago when my application was approved but the supposed offer letter has not arrived. I was pretty anxious about getting there, the fun of living on my own in a kind of place I always wanted.

But I am not so sure now. Mom reminded me about the mail delay so I gave them a call to check my status. I used to be very proactive when it comes to new plans and what more studying out of town independantly? That was 3 years ago and everything has changed. There's so much for me to do. I have to keep in contact with both my surgeons, go for check-ups, run tests, find ways to deal with my health, and I just got myself involved in a pharmaceutical research in New York. I will need at least 1 surgery next year and I will be away again for some time.

See...NF plays an important role in my life. It affects my progress, as though it is paving the way for me. My aunt feels that I should study and take time off when I have to and then get back to it when I am over with whatever that stops me. That's easy for her to say but it gets really stressful. I am not sure if I can take care of myself with my poor health and bad stamina. Heck I tried jogging and waddya know I twisted my ankle because my nerves have not healed in 2 years. Adding that SC has such a big compound.

I am really REALLY afraid to make the next move. I am not sure which path should I take. If I don't attend college then what should I do? oh god... this scares the hell out of me. Thank goodness I have Allan to cheer me up now. He's really unique. He's never seen unhappy and nothing really gets in his way. Time passes faster now that he entered my life and I get to put my sorrows behind for awhile.

So guys, what do you think I should do?

yabber yabber

2004-11-04T05:01:00.000-08:00

Blog oh blog... I have sooo many things to say, but can only limit to 1 topic at a time, or my dear visitors will fall asleep. Ooooh blog, what should I crap about this time? About my new flirt? Well he's this cute dude I see EVERYDAY *drool*. But guess what, I dreamt of my ex few nights ago which foretells the reoccurence of a similiar situation. *faint*Well truthfully he wasn't bad and he did leave a deep impact in me, but it wasn't how and what I want in my life. I got this book from Elena which describes his personality by numerology and it's so blastid true and so like my ex. This is CRAZY!!!

Oh..I can't help but include this.. should I attend this audition for musical vocalist at Istana Budaya next week? It's at 8pm, what a bad time to travel down town. We're also required to dance. Aiyoooh.. artists life is difficult nowadays. So what am I going to sing? Oh... my ex-director cum composer did say I have broadway quality. kekeke...

and lastly, my MRI appointment is in February 2005. *faint*

Tai Chi

2004-10-30T00:42:00.000-07:00

Seems like no one's commenting. Could my posts be plain boring or they are simply irrelevant to other people? I guess it's the latter. Comments are just an extra, after all, it is about the author and who would know better? But having been commented means someone cares and it is certainly heart-warming.

After a trait of poor-negative-sad post, the odds are now right behind me. I haven't forgot about them one bit, but because I am occupied with other things which buries the sad side of life. I hope it doesn't surface until my audiogram next week. Oh.. I can't wait for it!

Lately, I've been learning some exercises. One is from ancient Taiwan that deals with the 'chi'. I regret joining the lot cuz 3/4 of us are above middle age including my mom. Heck I am there to accompany her in the first place. The learning process is very slow to facilitate the elderly. But I can't quit cuz mom will be lonely and I paid RM110 for this twice a week, 6 month programme.

Also, I learn taichi in the morning from Allan, a 26-years-old Chinese national living with us. Now he's not the stereotypical chinese apek you might be picturing now. In fact he's this tall and muscular cute guy. I really enjoy myself cuz I'm learning in my own home and it's on a 1-to-1 basis. If you learn martial arts, you'll know how annoying it can get when learning in a big group. So taichi is not what I(and everyone else) think it is. It isn't as easy as it seems and requires strong legs because there's a lot of stances adding to the slow motion, which can get very confusing. Thanks to Allan, my very patient 'Sifu' (haha!). I hope to strengthen my legs in no time.

I was thinking of going back to jogging but I almost sprained my leg on the first attempt. I'll get back to this later. For now, let me just concentrate on my daily 7am routine. Aaargh...so early but what to do. Allan's classes start at 8:30am.

So if you are looking for something to do, why not learn taichi? After all, it's elegant, practical, and it tests your patience!

Oh...lastly there are 3 categories in taichi. I'm neither learning the one with very slow motion designed for the elderly nor the powerful one you can fight snath theft with.

Tired

2004-10-26T10:49:00.000-07:00

Not too long ago I dreamt of myself seeing newborn tortoises. The newborn is my innerself and the tortoise's shell is a defensive shield. After all these years of fighting NF, I have unconciously built a firewall around myself, to safeguard my insecurities. NF taught me a lot but it's also killing me. In this mood now, I am not proud of NF at all. These insecurities haunt me every second, I hope that I won't turn senile soon. This grief is much worse than the many incisions on my body. Drugs can numb wounds, but what can ease this pain?

Everytime I have to sign my will, I always almost agree on denying medical resucitation should my heart fail in the midst of surgery. But then there is so much that I have not done. I am too attached to some things.

Then again, I am going nowhere living like this, always worried about tomorrow. I tried to break loose, I really did. But NF is undeniable. The wise were wrong. Education does not secure my future. I had once painted my future clearly but it became amidst now. How long more can I take the knife? When am I going to loose all my energy? Will I become profoundly deaf? What if I can't balance anymore? What am I to do for a living? Who's gonna take care of me when my mom leaves? Who's going to learn sign language with me? who's teaching me to lip read?

Reading CLEO made me realise that I haven't been bothered about my appearance and material gain for long. I can't afford to. Time's made of gold and I have to find a solution before the worst happens. There's so much to think of, so much to do. Now I beginning to doubt if NF could ever be better off than cancer.

Tonight I saw a show on TV about this young girl who needs a heart transplant urgently. She has no parents and her lawyer tried his best to appeal for a legal guardian but no one came forward so in a day's time, he decided to adopt her on his own. But unfortunately, she died before the surgeons could give the heart to her. The lawyer was very sad because he has had a bad childhood himself. He wanted to do something for this girl and he did his best but she just have to die.

Makes me doubt if all these struggling and trauma I put myself through is worthwhile. What if I was meant to die young after all? If ahead of me are more problems after problems, then shouldn't I just allow myself to rest now? I am seriously very tired, even it has only been 6 years since the first synthom arised which felt like a hundred years.

I've been brought up to believe that my current situation is the effect of my own actions in past lives. But I also believe that our character will not change emensely. In that case, what could I possibly done wrong? There are a lot of worse people out there but why are they better off? Were they very kind last life and became evil now?

I am not a gambler and I dare not bet on my future. It gets scarier everyday, I wish this will all end. I have the authority to refuse all attempts during critical situations and leave the rest to the person who put me through this because suicide is another spiritual crime.

Good News and Bad News

2004-10-24T06:03:00.000-07:00

The good news is, I found a chance to save my hearing. It's the Fractionated Stereotactic Radiosurgery(FSR). It's delivered by multiple fractionated dosage so the beams are not too strong to damage the good tissues. There have been a number of NF2 patients who successfully had their AN killed by the FSR and there were no reoccurence like it would happen with SRS. Their hearing became better when the tumor shrank. This is so amazing. I thought there is no second chance for NF2 patients to keep their hearing and now I found it! Thanks to the internet. I also found Dr. Gil Lederman who has the most experienced radiosurgeon with FSR especially on NF2. Dr. Lederman also uses the lowest protocol in the world which is 2000 rads fractionated over a few treatments. John Hopkins is also a world reowned radiosurgery team but their protocol is slightly higher, 2500 rads. I've yet to read up stats on them.

The bad news is the FSR costs a whopping USD35,000. But with donations from the public to Dr. Lederman's program, it costs USD15,000. Now THAT is a lot of money. Not to forget all the mischellenous charges. If only the FSR can be done in Malaysia. But although it is being used at quite a number of places for over 20 years, the FSR is still rather new and the expertise have yet to reach Malaysia.

Now I see myself fitting into the chinese proverb, "Don't wear a hat bigger than your head". Dr. Friedman agreed to do the next surgery for free and it depends on the hospital whether they are still willing to let me stay for free. Actually Dr. Friedman is really an excellent surgeon and I am in good hands at St. Vincent. The only downside of his opinion is to loose my hearing permanently, but my life is saved, at least from Acoustic Neuroma.

Vienna at Genting

2004-10-22T23:21:00.000-07:00

With a tradition spanning over 5 centuries, the Vienna Boys' Choir is without doubt one of the oldest choirs in the world. This October, the choir boys who are also known as 'Austria's Singing Ambassadors' will be at the Arena of Stars to charm you with their Viennese performance, which will be a blend of old and new works of music with elements of poetry, dance, theatre, and visual arts. The Vienna Boys' Choir was formed when Emperor Maximilian I decided to add a dozen choir boys for private masses and concerts for the court. With the end of the Habsburg monarchy in the 1920's, the choir changed its uniform in favour of sailor suits, and widened their repertoire of music. Today, there are four choir groups who constantly tour the world, rendering unforgettable performances wherever they go. So, mark your diary on 31 October 2004, 3.00 pm at Arena of Stars, Genting Highlands to listen to the boys' angelic voices

I am definitely not going to miss this opportunity. Anyone would like to join me? I booked 2 tickets this morning and there were about 20+ RM30 seats left so you better hurry!

Bedside Manners

2004-10-18T10:47:00.000-07:00

I am glad to find an article in the Malay Mail today, depicting the bad attitudes of our doctors. You can count on me to confirm that doctors in this country, especially those in government general hospitals, have terrible bedside manners. In addition to that, there is very limited communication between patient and doctor. I didn't even know who was my operating surgeon until 1 month after surgery! Though he was sound enough to give my mom a call before my second surgery, which was to remove the acoustic neuroma, but that is because it was a more than major surgery and still he wasn't any close to my current surgeon. Ok.. I should avoid making any comparisons here. But their attitude left me baffled and I had to find out what NF was all by myself.

I remember overhearing a conversation in the ward. A lady had just been admitted through emergency and was in terrible headache. She was crying for pain and a doctor on-call came by her bedside and told her, "it's not our fault and there's nothing we can do about it". Unfortunately, the same doctor also caused me a lot of stress. I had a spine surgery to remove multiple tumors and after surgery, the spine needed time to shift position. I was in a vegetable state, no sensations from waist down. Only after a couple of weeks I began to be able to move my legs again. Even so, when the physiotherapist helped me up, my feet could not feel the floor and she needed to position my legs and keep them in place when I was held upright. But that notorious doctor who knows nothing about physiology, came to me and said that if I don't get up, I won't be able to walk ever again, with a scowl on his face. At that time, I wish I could have stood up and slapped the hell out of him. To understand the situation, these doctors and nurses did not know that I could not use my legs. But I still cannot find a reasonable excuse to forgive them, especially the doctors.

I count myself one of the odds of all the patients in that hospital who is fully educated about our own condition. What's happening to the world of medicine? So for all to know, medical schools in this country do not teach their student about bedside manners. And when they go for their fellowship at government hospitals, they are placed under supervision of 'senior' doctors who, undoubtly, graduated from the same environment as they did, where bedside manners and patient-doctor communication is unheard of.

The Occasional Report

2004-10-16T22:09:00.000-07:00

Sorry for those who have been surfing onto my blog to discover a hiatus. It's not that I've been away. In fact, I am my most loyal visitor. But there's nothing really much to blog about. Yes my life has been happening but I don't see any 'kick' in 'em that I'd be so excited about blogging it. But just a run through of how I have been...

Yesterday was Cheryl's b'day party. It was a big throw for a 21-years-old. (God she's already 21? No! It can't be!) It's great to see her and Jie Yow again. There were also Yewin, Xiong Yeu, the rest of her friends and her sister's friends and her parent's friends and relatives. Thanks to good ol' Elena for accompanying me, otherwise I'd look like a parasite leaching around her house.

I filled up the application and will mail it to Southern College one of these days. I was rather undecisive before this but after seing their prospectus, my hopes went up a few notches. Southern College doesn't sound so SOUTHERN after all. It is 3 times bigger than SMSJ. (something like a chinese independant school or a non-malaysian college) I imagine myself cycling to get around college. Maybe I should get a scooter (those without engine). Thinking about studying in a small town of Johor, just minutes away from Singapore, away from the hustles of city life. Sounds good to me. And they have a beatiful replica of Suzhou District in China for when you want to lay-off. 2 years is not long before I go off to complete a BA in English. I did consider Singapore, the Univ. of London external programme but I am not sure if I want to major in literature and the living cost in the Lion City is VERY HIGH! The average cost to rent a room is S$500 a month! But if you have the money for living and you are keen in literature, I suggest you take that offer because it only costs RM20k ++ for a British honors degree.

As for my health, I am seing Mr. Saffari at GHKL on Wednesday and hopefully schedule for an MRI and an audiometry. I am also keeping in contact with a friend who is also a patient of Dr. Friedman.

I am resuming my vocal training at Artistic Conservatoire next month under the guidance of Maria, a student of Cecilia. She sings great opera, I just don't understand why isn't she given any chance. Damn those buyers out there. Also, I went for the audition for M! at Istana Budaya last Thursday. I sang a non-operatic repetoire with straight-tone and the interviewer says, "You've a beatiful voice but you have to understand that you do not fit into what we are looking for". Haha...! whatever. I wasn't keen at all. But the trip back home was bad cuz it was difficult to hail a cab outside Istana Budaya.

Ok I am having that post-blog-brain-freeze again so.. toodles!

Friends who understands

2004-10-10T19:22:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a few days since I last blogged. I've been very busy and blogging is one of the last things on my mind. Yuki doubts that my friends can be busier than me. Well, this lad sure understands me. The two people who really understands me is Yuki and Elena. Now.. I mean REALLY understand and not just simply 'know'. Like Elena, I almost never have to finish my sentence before she knows what I am thinking. And with so many disabilities, she's one of the only person who really accomodates me. And as for Yuki, either we have the same character or .. well somehow. Then there is Kenrick, my partner in crime. He's a terrific person for when I want to chill at the mall and what not. But when it comes to the inside, he's a complete opposite. And I find myself having difficulties talking to him most of the time.

Elena would probably say that we can't expect people to understand us. Well you know what? I've just found 2!

random blabbers...

2004-10-05T22:45:00.000-07:00

I am going beserk soon! Aaaah! It is true when they say that it is impossible to avoid problems. So now I have my right AN removed with complete facial nerve preservation, very thankful for that but I'm now left with a new worry that is the same exact tumor on the left hemisphere of my peanut brain. Oh god this is my residual hearing please don't take it away from me.

So I am out of the hospital I should be getting back onto my tracks but... I am left to worry about my AN. Dr. Friedman chooses an approach that can preserve my hearing for some time but it will one day go away. Stereotactic radiosurgery has been to known to produce good results but the result varies for NF2 patients because our tumor is slightly different. For normal ANs, it contains schwann cells but ours are neurofibroma cells which is thougher to tackle. Some says the result is good while some, including publications by universities I have found, insists of failure. I can't just give it a go like that cuz he says that facial nerve preservation have been difficult after SRS treatments.

That's that for me to worry. I'll continue my research and hopefully get my next MRI done soon enough cuz I swear a change of hearing nowadays. On the other hand, I've to worry about my education. Yes you can quote me on my words to take a different approach to life but heck for the fact that I am sick and being the only child, I seriously need a sound education for survival. (after all who's going to pay my medical bills?) so okay after I get this AN handled I will go back to college.

Ah...it's been happening nowadays. I often start off with loads of things to blog but they tend to dissapear somewhere in the middle... what is wrong with me?

BA English or TEFL?

2004-09-28T23:30:00.000-07:00

Here I am again confused about my education. Now I am convinced to do English since I am strong at it. I want to master English which is what a Bachelor of Arts in English can give me. But heck... to qualify for admission I need A Levels standard and heck I hate general education. So then someone told me about TEFL (teaching English as a Foreign Language) but this one, I suspect, is not as in-depth like the BA and does not cover my interests. I doubt there are any colleges offering the BA accept Southern College in Johor Bahru. So I need to get into a Uni. for that. So... what should I do?

Seems like the adults are much more concerned about getting a sound education more than I do. But then they might be right, I am still young and I should make use of time and opportunity. Who knows what the future holds and a degree is like a passport to success. They don't want me to end up like them. Oh well... they should know better.

Finale

2004-09-25T11:28:00.000-07:00

This is my last day here in LA. I don't feel like leaving. It's like my soul is nesting here already. The society, the people, the atmosphere, the weather, the culture, the mentality... I can't leave them behind.

My complexion has gone darker after a long day under the sun yesterday at SeaWorld, San Diego. We got to see lots of sea animals including Shamu the killer whale, the main attraction. I wonder how long it takes to train a whale or a dolphin. After each time a stunt is done, it swims towards its trainer and some fishes will be tossed into its mouth. That's the order of life and it applies to animals as well. You've to work for what you want. There's absolutely no free meal. McDonald's Happy Meal concept isn't logical either.

Well... I don't know what the future holds but I pray for the best. There's no use to dwell on this beyond our control. I shall make good use of anything that comes my way. That's how most people survive I guess... This will be the last post I'm blogging while on this trip. The next time I'll be home already. Well, it's still a long day more before my flight home on Sunday 1:45am, California time. Should arrive on Monday afternoon, Malaysian time. When I come here I gain a day and when I go back, I loose. Fair enough, huh? ah well... that's about it I guess. At least nowadays flying isn't boring as it was last time, with all the in-flight entertainments. haha!

Another Day is Dawning

2004-09-22T22:04:00.000-07:00

Aha! Here I am again, fresh with new experiences and expectations. Life is beautiful and full of surprises, yes it is! We spent the whole afternoon at Hollywood yesterday. Ate yummy food and saw great things like the Walk of Fame and celebrities' hand and foot prints. Visited Ripley's Believe it or not too. Today, I had an appointment with Dr. Friedman in the morning and discussed about my next tumor to be dealt by him. We agreed that I have my MRI done in Malaysia after 6 months and have them mailed to him. When the tumor gets larger, he will bring me back here for surgery again. I had took pictures with him and Laurie at the clinic. He's so busy we have to practically GRAB him once he is available. Haih..he's such a great guy, wish I was born later. heheh! I tried locating Dr. Hitselberger but he wasn't in, I've to catch up with him maybe on Friday. I also forgot to make an appointment with Dr. Stefan. How silly I was.

In the afternoon, I met up with Michael who also has NF2. We had lunch and movie together. He had to leave early so to avoid the heavy traffic after office hours. We watched Princess Diary 2. It's a good movie for when you want to relax and just that. In fact, I am surprised Michael, who's a guy, enjoys Princess Diary. Well he says it helps him ease stress at school. He's doing his masters in Rehabilation Counseling. Fantastic fella... I admire his strength very much and I am going to be like him.

Tomorrow we will head to San Diego early in the morning to visit SeaWorld and the zoo. We will skip DisneyLand cuz it's not worth going since we all went to DisneyWorld before and it is much nicer. So maybe next time we will go to DisneyWorld in Florida.

My aunt and I spoke about my education just now. It really doesn't matter what people think. I feared that my friends will be degree holders accept me so I try to do what they can. But now I have to accept it that I can't and it doesn't matter because I am different and I don't have to be like them, peer pressure huh. Dr. Friedman says I should follow my passion, when I asked him if I should go ahead with my vocal training. I've one sided hearing and my left has a tumor which I hope will not affect my hearing completely. Dr. Friedman says he can remove it while preserving my hearing for another 40 years or so. Then, it will be a good age for the implant. I don't think I should doubt further. Since he told me to go ahead, it means he is confident I will still have hearing for a very long time. Like I said, I can count on him. The AN was all over my facial nerve and he managed to remove the tumor without causing further damages to the nerve. Amazing isn't it? Adding that he is so experienced it isn't necessary to question his words.

So we were saying that perhaps I should take up short courses like secretarial and computer, as foundation in the future when I finally get my greencard to work here. At the same time, continue with my vocal lessons and pray for the best. And yes, my aunt's doing immigration for me and my mom. Phew! what do you think? Comment on this okay?

One foot Forward

2004-09-20T10:44:00.000-07:00

Ed's blog never fail to evoke deep emotions in me. He's a typical cancerian, yes he is, very much. Adding to that he is also very verbal. His latest post made me realise something that I have changed. I used to have a habit of doubting every single action I do. That's what everyone else does. But little did I realise that I've grown out of it. I have not been looking back on my tracks for a long while. Is it because I have no fear? or I am afraid to loose? afraid of knowing my faults? I am almost always confident with the things I did and have no doubts about them. I believe I've done the best for myself and that is it. Is it over confidence?

I sure do feel better with this new attitude, without doubt or fear of the past. The future is much more scarier because it is unseen and is due to conditioning by your own doings. It's also more exciting and motivating, unlike the past that records your spiritual achievements. But for the past, you are where you are today.

Then again, Am I really over-confidence or I have been doing all the right things that there's nothing left to doubt? Maybe I won't feel this way if I had taken a wrong step. I might feel very sorry for myself and regret it. This... I am yet to find out but I hope I never have to.

CDs at low prices

2004-09-19T22:32:00.000-07:00

I brought my mom to Santa Monica this evening and it was rewarding! Cuz I got myself some CDs at prices we cannot get in Malaysia. These are the CDs purchased:

Turandot, by Giucomo Puccini -US$11.99
Don Giovanni, by Mozart -US$21.99
A-Z of opera, a compilation of the world's most famous arias. US$11.99
Se tu m' ami, Cecilia Bartoli- US$16.99 (contains lots of arias I've learnt.)
The Opera Album- Andrea Bocelli -US$18.99

Note that these imported CDs costs around RM100 each. Wanted to buy this CD by Andrew Lloyd Webber but mom was hurrying me home already. *sigh* There were some other CDs I wanted too but not so important like Vivaldi's four seasons and Purcell's Dido and Aeneas. When I saw the classical shelf I ran towards it like a nutter cuz it's CRAZY! You can't get everything in one bookshop like this in Malaysia. *drools*

The Reasons

2004-09-19T11:32:00.000-07:00

In the previous post I talked about my worries. Now I'd like to state the reason why I want to stay. Last time, I used to think that the hope of leaving your home country is a childish thought and any normal teenager would have thought about it. But now I realise that my dreams are real and they exist based on solid reasons.

About 2 years ago, my gang and I used to describe our dream home, during lunch breaks and intervals. We once planned to study in Aussieland together, share the rent, rare a pet dog and the list goes on. Kenrick always had the worst share. haha! But looks like nothing in those conversations actualised. The ultimate goal of those plans was education. We even talked about who should be what. Almost all of us intended to study psychology. But nobody actually did.

Now 2 years later (only 2), my dream still remains the same. I want to flee! But for much different reasons and the desire is much greater too. I know that life is not always within our control and we have to surrender ourselves to fate once in awhile(or is it all the time?). But I still believe that when you think you can, you can, and the wonders of the solar plexus actualising your concious thoughts.

So what do I want? First, let me just reveal my top 3 priorities that begins with... nope it's not time yet. I can't exactly pen down my top 3 priorities definitely. Because circumstances reconditions itself everyday and I'm still young and SELFISH. yeah I put myself before anyone else. And that's enough to describe my priorities, huh? ok... now.. so I want to remain in the U.S, why? To be exact, it is here at St. Vincent's.

I've no fear that my health will take its toil because my surgeon is concerned as much as I do. He thinks ahead of me and all I need to do is ask him and he has got the answers prepared. Here in St. Vincent's everything is close by. Fellow surgeons at the House Ear Institute (which is across the street) have seen THOUSANDS of NF2 patients so they're very experienced in my case. Next to the HEI, is the National Transplant center. We also have very good spine surgery conducted here. Basically, St. Vincent is a great medical hub.
Unlike in Malaysia, I've to persuade my surgeon to act on my case before it is too late and I've to constantly provide him with up-to-date informations about NF. I've to find my own alternatives and help all by myself. Nobody really knows what NF is.
The community here is very friendly. It is not because this is a hospital and they have to be nice. It is very obvious to be that the sincerity comes straight from their heart by the way they talk and present themselves. St. Vincent is a non-profit hospital and yet the staffs and nurses here are very friendly. They don't seem to mind the pay at all.
In Malaysia, people are more self-centred. They do not reach out to you unless u ask, and even then they are reluctant to act. During conversations, people seem fake and 'closed'.
Living here, I learn to be more calm and easy-going. There is no urgency to travel from one spot to another. Probably because it's cold here there's no need to seek shelter! haha! But really, it's also very normal to be by yourself. There is no need to pretend, to be occupied and accompanied. It's perfectly normal to sit around alone wondering by yourself.
In Malaysia, I tend to join the rat race. Always running to beat time, to keep myself busy. And when you're sitting around alone, there's something wrong with you. You need to connect with your friends and go yamcha-ing. Here, people don't go for drinks as often as Malaysians. We do REAL things here.
And I don't get my usual running nose here.
I've to admit, I am not in good terms with my father. It may not be as bad as it seem, but it's mentally torturing. No matter how hard I try to tolerate and see beyond his faults, I cannot deny the fact that I'm already poisoned with deep hatred. I cannot forgive him for what he has done and is still doing. I cannot forgive him for what he put us through. I get headaches all the time when I am at home. My head spins at the sight of him.
I want to get away from him. Being away, I do not get reminded about him, and that reduces stress off me. I no longer feel sorry for my mom.
I also want to get away from all the family controversies that arised since I turned 14. It probably existed even before then but I was too naive to realise. It sux to bother who caused who's death, who owes who's money, who's being evil and what not. I hate my family for that, I know its unhealthy to feel this way but I cannot deny the fact!
Being here, I am practically out of contact with such controversial communications. Everyday I am presented with positive situations and communications. It nourishes my mind and body. I feel elliviated.
I am more accepted here. I am seen upon as a natural being. People talk to me very closely and I feel so warm and loved. They see me approaching, and quickly extend their arms to welcome whatever I have. People doesn't see the difference in me.
Home in Malaysia, I am afraid to walk the streets. I am like the 'phantom of the opera' wishing I had a mask to disguise. Yes everyone tells me it is okay and don't be bothered by what people think. But that's impossible. I swear the evil stares I get wherever I go. I am treated differently at social gatherings and publich places. I am always reminded of my own physical defects.
Yes you people might be cursing me for condemning my home country. But it is true. malaysians ARE like that and even if you try to coverline and prove yourself different, you are still a malaysian and have the Malaysian habit in you. Maybe 1 out of 5 is a kind soul but he will still analytically discriminate you silently in his mind. It's human nature. You are the fruit of your upbringing. It's the society that conditioned the people's mind, unfortunately. (I'm a malaysian too and I hope I grow out of it soon.
Hardly anyone looked straight into my eyes when they speak. Even the doctors, my own surgeons, the nurses... even my own mother! But here, people look directly at me. Dr. Friedman stares deep into me when he speaks and that way I feel warm and connected.

I hate to go back to my past, to the Malaysian society, to be discriminated, to be outcasted. I refuse to face my family and its manipulating relationships. I want it here. I know saying is not enough. But I should not go beyond this point. This post is for listing the reasons behind my dream. and here it is, I presented them to you.

Mind Boggles

2004-09-19T00:13:00.000-07:00

I'm now on 'holiday' in the city of angles. I go shopping, visiting, recreating and I look somewhat joyous from the outside. But I cannot bring myself to write about the happy things I've been doing. This is when materials are proven not important for me.

So I shall list my current worries. not very long but enough to drag my days.

I almost forgot that I have BILATERAL ACOUSTIC NEUROMA. You see there are so many tumors in my body, I tend to loose track off and on.
I want to be a vocalist but now I've tinnitus on my left as well!
What will Dr. Friedman decide to do next? will I have to go home and then come again later? or what?
I don't want to go home anyway. Cuz they will force me to undergo radiation therapy which is not recommended for my health! and also the sucky medical hospitality. *sigh*
This is quite silly but I seem to have grown attached to my doctor over the past few months eventhough I hardly know him. My heart is rooted here, argh! or yeay?
Last and not so important.. I'm supposed to go holiday in England next month but there were so many things to do, (eg. re-routing of flight, time management) mom freaked out and cancelled the whole thing! so what now? u mean my so-called-holiday is going to end so soon?
So then... I dunno what will happen in the very near future. I've been wanting the best for my health that my soul has grown accustomed to it. It's like everything comes hand-in-hand.

p/s: Beverly Hills is a great place.

Surgery's over!

2004-09-16T17:43:00.000-07:00

Surgery's over and I'm up and shining again. It was on Monday afternoon and it was finished in the evening. I was in Intensive Care for 1 night and then sent to a regular private room for the next 3 days. Now I'm back here in Seton Hall, my very own guest room. I'm checking up with Dr. Friedman and Dr. Stefan next week and if all goes well, I'll be flying over to Connecticut for a few weeks before departing to England.

I am very grateful because Dr. Friedman who's my surgeon and co-surgeon, Dr. Hitselberger, managed to remove all of the AN residuals without causing any damage to the surrounding nerves and tissues. Such a far cry from what Malaysian surgeons can do. I am not having the ABI just yet because I still have very good hearing on one ear. I hope I will never need it because the ABI cannot restore normal hearing anyway.

But it's very upsetting because I have to leave this place as soon as next week. LA really is a great place with lots of very kind people especially here in St. Vincent's. The doctors, nurses, admitting staffs, assistants, housekeepers, administrators, they are all very nice despite the pay and status differences. Since the first day I am here everyone has been telling me that this is a great hospital and I am in good care. They are certainly right.

I'd like to give credit to my surgeon, Dr. Rick A. Friedman for everything he has done for me. In March 2004, a fellow NFer online introduced me to Dr. Friedman for a second opinion and immediately he offered to remove my tumor for free and went to the extend of getting the hospital to not charge me. Over the course of 6 months, Dr. Friedman and my surgery counselor, Laurie, did their best to get me here as soon as possible. Dr. Friedman reply my e-mails very promptly no matter how irrelevant they were. There were some mis-communication between my aunt and the hospital but he did not blame for me and treat me as an individual by myself. My first meeting with Dr. Friedman was last Friday at the House Ear Clinic and he was very glad to see me. Thanks to him, my surgery was originally not scheduled but for my sake, he fit me in on Monday. So on Monday morning I underwent the usual admitting process, met up with a few other doctors who takes care of me. I did not get to meet Dr. Friedman that morning because he was busy with another minor surgery before me. I only got to meet him in the operating theatre before I was anesthesiast (sorry poor English command) Dr. Friedman really is an extra-ordinary surgeon and the best I have met so far. He's very caring that I can see it in his eyes when he comes to see and pats me by my sickbed. He remembers me no matter how busy he is, he calls the ward to ask about my condition when he was too busy to visit, and he usually does come even for just a short glance. Yesterday, he came to my room in his surgery suit and cap! must have been in between surgeries that he found time out to come see me. He came this morning before I was discharged but this time he was in proper slacks and tie. LOL! Dr. Friedman can be seen walking around quickly without a pause all the time. He is such a dedicated surgeon I hope he does not neglect his own health.

It is hard to meet people like Dr. Friedman nowadays. He's hardworking, assersive, bullish and intelligent. Speaking of which, he is only mere 40 and is already so experienced and skilled in his profession. Many people now choose to live within fate's plan and only do what is needed to live. But to Dr. Friedman, life is not only about himself. If it wasn't for him, I will probably not be able to come here and have my AN removed. I'll be forced to undergo radiosurgery which will inturn activate my NF gene and cause more tumors to sprout.

I love this place so much I really don't feel like leaving but it is not for me to say, right? well... my aunt is applying the green card for me. It'll probably take some time before I qualify for medicare and the US citizenship. I hope that before all these actualise, my tumors will not grow more and cause problems., especially those in my spine.

That's all for now. Will keep you guys updated and thanks for the support.

This is my surgeon, Dr. Friedman. For those who wish to seek medical advice regarding acoustic neuroma and skull base tumors, he's one great neurotologist to contact: rfriedman@hei.org And he can prevent spinal fluid leakage after acoustic neuroma removal which is successful on me.

And this is the House Ear Institute. Once place I've been seing over the internet and now I'm finally here. It's like a dream come true. Thank Goodness! This building houses the House Ear Clinic as well. http://www.hei.org

Fun Day Out at Santa Monica

2004-09-12T00:51:00.000-07:00

What a fantastic day I had! Woke up early in the morning, went over to the hospital cafeteria for breakfast after sending some speciments to the clinical labotary. Ate mash eggs, bacon and brownies for breakfast. Then, I quickly changed and went to the supermarket a few blocks away to get some food for my mom when she is here tomorrow. *vegetarians are so troublesome sometimes* It was quite tiring walking there under the hot sun. Its run by spanic people who doesn't speak English and the products are mostly in mexican language. But I can guess what they were. haha! There were a lot of things I wanted to buy but was afraid I could not carry them back. So I ended up buying butter, cheese, some instant food, banana, apples, strawberries etc. It all went up to 14 dollars. Not bad huh? Especially the strawberries. Sounds little but it was heavy! Luckily, when I was walking out a bus just stopped and I hopped on. The driver was so nice she let me ride for free. So I got off at St. Vincent's and passed through the shortcuts to Seton hall.

My body clocked has not adjusted well so I fell asleep after tidying up the groceries. Woke up at 5 something and realise I overslept. So I hurriedly change my clothes and walked over to Wilshire Blvrd a few blocks away. There, I took a bus to the Saramoni beach. I didn't realise it is 1 hour from the hospital but since I'm already on my way, I went on. I had a quick stroll on the beach and decided that I should leave before it gets dark. So I tried finding a proper way home and felt a bit hungry. I saw a shop selling pizza so I went in and ate. It was very delicious! After eating, I realise I'm actually in Santa Monica! I was standing on 3rd Street which is like the Malaysia Bintang Walk. It was so beautiful! In fact, the whole of Santa Monica is decent. I'm not saying that downtown is worse but because Santa Monica is close to Beverly Hills where the rich and famous lives, therefore it has to be 'up-to-standard'. The atmosphere was nice. With cool breeze and fresh air, folk songs played by the buskers. There were jugglers, break dancers, and lots more other performances. There are many shops such as banana Republic and Zara. I got myself a hood for US$15. Isn't it great? It's on sale. I wanted to drink at either coffee bean or starbucks but was afriad I might take too long. About 10 something, I started coming home by bus and it stopped at Alvarado where I have to walk uphill a few blocks before I see the House Ear Institute. It's nostalgic standing there in front of the building. I've been seing that building in a picture on their website for months and now I'm finally here, meeting the surgeon I've been e-mailing for ages. He most probably feels the same too.

Oh forgot to mention, security here is very tight. I have a card to swipe in a machine when making entrance and exit everywhere including the hospital. At Seton hall, there is a key to unlock the lift buttons to activate them. I can only access the level I live on. My room is equipped with a minibar, a separate sink for dishes, a tv, a sofa and ... well it's like a hotel room. There's also a common room where there's a tape recorder and some videos we can watch whenever possible. There's a breakfast room with lots of tables and comfortable chairs that no one uses. In the same room there's a PC which I am using now (also no one uses except me, or I've never seen anyone), 2 printers and a photocopy machine. There's a laundry room with 2 washing machines, a dryer and a few irons. A pantry with food, coffee and water for everyone to share. A huge fridge in case if the minibar in your room gets overloaded, a toaster, an oven and a microwave. There are other utensils too. Basically, the community here are trying to make us at home as possible. Their motto is HOME AWAY FROM HOME, accept for the security system. *giggle* Probably due to 9/11.

It's quite cold here at night and I hope my mom can stand it. She's arriving tomorrow evening and I'm worried she might not find her way. *sigh* Hmmm... That's all for now... here's some picture of the place I'm at.

http://www.hei.org/about/aboutus/hei.jpg

House Ear Institute, California. It's across the street from the hospital. This is where researches are conducted. It also houses the House Ear Clinic.

http://www.houseearclinic.com/rafcolor.jpg

This is my surgeon, Dr. Rick Friedman, MD PHD.

Life in LA

2004-09-10T20:56:00.000-07:00

I finally got access to the internet. After two nights staying in a hotel, I'm finally staying in Seton Guest Center where internet access is free. hehehe! LA is a great place. I went around town yesterday and it was great. I missed a stop and got down at Chinatown and MY these chinese here don't speak English! So when I tell them I want to get to Olympic Bouvelard, they think I'm nuts. Luckily in the end I got out of that place and landed myself in downtown where wholesales are and it's like tha american Petaling Street! I oso got to meet a lot of persians, mexicans, spanish and korean. The mexicans are okay but I guess the best is still the English cuz I hear them well. haha! But what I like best about this place? it has got to be the streets. There are a lot of cars but doesn't cause jams. They drive real fast but the moment you step on the road to walk across, even the fastest car stops immediately, at the zebra crossing la ofcourse. The buses here are very frequent and the drivers are so helpful. No wonder got no jams, because everyone opts to take the bus. haha! Saw my surgeon today. Boy, was he glad to see me! If I was a guy he'd probably gave me a big hug. "hey! u finally made it!" oh yeah he's kinda good looking too. and I thought the picture he used online was an old picture. also met Laurie, my surgery counselor and some other people. They are all very nice here in the hospital and the clinic. Ran some tests today and my surgery is on Monday. Yay! Finally! and oh yah... travelling alone is cool.

I'm leaving tomorrow! finally! haha! woohoo!

2004-09-07T00:21:00.000-07:00

I met up with Joanne last weekend. We went shopping at Sunway Pyramid and I bought some clothes. On Sunday, we went to church and met up with lots of people like Jennifer and her brother Jack, Luke, Vincent, Phillip, and many more. Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm not a christian, I just went for the sake of seing my friends. There, I realise something about christianity is that its actually the same as buddhism. They have the same teachings and purpose but both are explained in different ways. Christianity is more of a psychological game and sad to say 2/3 of christians doesn't really understand the meaning of religion and its purpose. In my opinion, all religions are actually a philosophy. It is like school. Why do we need to go to different types of school when all are based on the same education system? might as well do home-schooling! that's cuz school keeps us on track and make sure we do not slack.

All religions teach us the same thing. To do good. Buddhism uses Buddha's life story as an example and christianity uses christ. It's just the way it is told. Buddhism is more direct. We're often told, "do not steal because we will have to return it at a later time, in a different way. While christianity probably states Christ says do not steal therefore you shouldn't, or read the bible everyday because it is good but what it really mean is, revise Christ' teachings and apply them to yourself. I'd say christianity is smarter. Cuz they tackle human weaknesses. People in general are dependant and lazy. They want someone to take care everything for them and wish for someone to idolise. So by believing that Christ is there for them, they eventually read the bible everyday and have faith in Him and his virtues.

It may be a wise idea since most people nowadays do not put effort on something that requires time and persistence to attain. At the end of the day, the same goal is achieved but it is not quite the same. By making one believe Christ is the savior and almighty, he becomes dependant of God and all faults will be solved which is not true. He will not make effort to solve things but pray day in day out. At first I thought this may only apply to the young christians and the elder ones eventually grow out of it but it is not true. After the service, I was chatting with some friends when suddenly Joanne introduced me to a fellow pastor of the church. He got to know I'm about to leave for surgery and offered to pray for me. Before proceeding, he started telling me stories of how people in the past were saved from critical illnesses when he introduced Christ to them. He says that when I become a Christian and believe in Him, He will help me. So I told the pastor that I choose to understand something before believing it is true. But he went on elaborating how I should accept Christ. This pastor is unknowingly tarding Christ' image in people's mind. I feel that it is very irresponsible for people to speculate religions. Because of people like him, many teenagers nowadays convert into christians without knowing anything about it. What if one becomes a christian and then realise they cannot think the christian way? will he be condemned for not being faithful? The word 'faith' shouldn't even be related to any religion. It's about understanding and actualisation, but not idolism like a cult.

I believe that chritianity today wasn't what it was when it was first introduced. Over the years human speculated so much that it has become a problem solver. So everytime someone invited me into any religion I pity them because they have not seen the true purpose of it. It's not a club where people sign up and have fun you know!

In lighter note, I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon and doing my packing now. Latest plan is that I'm going to England after my surgery. I either fly back to U.S when I have enough of England or stay put until March next year. I bought my open return ticket from LA to KLIA, wonder if they allow a change of location. hmmm...

That Day Will Come

2004-09-04T08:10:00.000-07:00

The best way to forget something is to get your mind distracted. I always wanted to know the truth of something. I went high and low in search for the answer but I never got it. Then suddenly, I realise that I'm not ready to accept the answer. My soul may long for something which is not yet acceptable by the body. Someone once told me, "You've to be healthy". I thought he was being ridiculous. Now I 'think' understand what he meant.

Health is seriously very important in our lives. Not just for physical well-being but also for the soul and mind. With a strong body, everything will fall into place. When you force things to happen, it will drift away. That's the universal law. To rib, you need to open your mind. Just like in vocal music, to hit the notes and vibrate, you first need to release tension off your larnyx.

This leads to the fact that I have become stubborn over the years of depression, difficulty and suffering. Because I am so focused and motivated to my goals, I forget to relax. Just like when you concern too much on pitching, you will loose stability and get out of tune. I need something to help me lift the burden. I might have found the aid but I can't have it, not just yet. Looks like I have no choice at this moment. I still need to secure my armor and strive forward. I dream of the day when I win this battle and I know it in my nerves, that day will come.

questionaire AGAIN

2004-09-03T08:32:00.000-07:00

Message: About yourself

1. Name: Yvonne
2. Single or taken: single
3. Sex: female
4. Birthday: 5th June 1986
5. Age: 18
6. Sign: gemini
7. Eye colour: dark brown
8. Hair colour: black

Relationships

9. Do u have a bf/gf: no.. yes.. no.. yes... NO?
10. Do u have crush: yeps, who doesn't?

Fashion

11. Your favorite place to shop: SungeiWang. lotsa choices and cheap bargains
12. Your favorite shop: none
13. Your favorite label: none but I've a lot of Marks & Spencers
14. Your favorite designer: none
15. Tattoos or piercing: one ear piercing on each ear.

Specifics

16. What’s your job: student
17. Does u do drugs: erm.. morphin? erm.. ponstan?
18. What shampoo does u use: Pantene's good. Now using Sanden Brook's.
19. What is u most scared of: becoming completely dependant
20. Who is the last person that called you?: my aunt from US
21. The last person who sms'ed you: Joanne
22: the content of your last sms: something about tomorrow

Favourites

23. Color: yellow
24. Food: Japanese
25. Boy’s name: the real name of my Yukito.
26. Girl’s name: Yvonne! hahaha!
27. Subjects in school: english
28. Teacher: my english teachers
29. Place: none
30. Animal: dog
31. Sports: figure-skating
32. Drink: water
33. You wish u could live somewhere else: yeps
34. You think about suicide: I think of changing my fate
35. You believe in online dating: sure, it's only a date.
36. Others find you attractive: yea...
37. You want more piercing: what good does it make?
38. You drink: don't like bitter taste
39. You smoke: NEVER
40. You do drugs: yeah those pain killers
41. You like cleaning: quite
42. You like roller coasters: absolutely but hardly any nice ones here
43. You act loud/quiet in a crowd: I always thought I'm a loud person but nope.
44. Ever cried over a girl/boy: yea I dreamt of Yukito in a coffin. drats...
45. Ever cheated over a boy/girl: nope
46. Ever lied to someone and felt guilty: who doesn't lie?
47. Ever been arrested: by prefects? yah.. some years ago

Number

48. Of times I have been in love: a few...
49. Of times I have had my heart broken: a few recently. u really gotta love deep to break
50. Of hearts I have broken: maybe 1
51. Of girls I have kissed: one and it was a DARE~! yuck...!
52. Of boys I have kissed: 2, both are my cousins haha
53. Of girls I’ve slept with: EEEWW!
54. Of boys I’ve slept with: none
55. Of drugs taken illegally: I love myself
56. Of people I consider my enemies: I'm proud to say NONE
57. Of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: ah many times.
58. Of times you made a fool of yourself in public: a fool? got lah hoh
59. Pretty: all the time (cheh!)
60. Funny: i'm more serious lah
61. Hot: ya Malaysia is too hot!
62. Friendly: ain't I always?
63. Ugly: many times especially when I'm sick
64. Lovable: time to interview my friends
65: caring: more to be cared for
66. Sweet: hey this is getting irritating
67. Cute: someone did say I'm cute! *blush*
68. Arrogant: well i never get that comment b4 fortunately
69. Geeky: I ain't a punk so...
70. Photogenic: used to be

Your...

71. Motto: when there's a will, there's a way
72. Best feature: my smile? or my voice?
73. Weakness: looks
74. Next action/ambition: to overcome my next surgery
75. Last words: me getting sleepy already

Social Updates

2004-08-31T20:34:00.000-07:00

Yeah the title tells all. This is a brief update on what I've been doing the past few days. On the last weekend, I had a terrible heartbreak. Yeah...HEARTBREAK. I had a serious chestache that was draining off my energy. Then on Sunday morning I spoke to Yukito on the phone (and waddya know he was shopping for groceries at that time aaw...how sweeeet!) Talked for about half an hour or so until he had to board the MRT where reception is VERY bad that was the end of a phonecall. And did I tell you Yukito is like my local aenesthesia? after speaking to him, the chestache just dissapeared and there were birds singing in the sky! The rest of the day was like heaven on earth. I don't really what I did next but on Monday, I went window shopping at Subang Parade and bought myself Charlotte Church's CD, Prelude. On the way back I met Izzed on the bus and we chatted until I reached home. That night, I slept at Elena's plac and we talked until the wee hours when I finally fell asleep. It's great to have some pillow talks with your buddy after such a long time. Then on Tuesday, our day started at 2pm, that's after watching TV and yada...yada... we went lunch with Phoebe, went shopping at Subang parade again, and then went to Kenrick's place to watch DVD. At about 8pm, his aunt fetched me back to Elena's house where we ate Bak Kut Teh.. eer... pork rib tea? Then I finally came home at 11pm and saw my mom after 4 days.

That's all about my days... boring huh? But with Yukito, even the darkest clouds turn white. HEHEHE.... *chuckle*

Here's some food of thought. Credit goes to Bing Chien's BLOG.

Difference between the one you like and the one you love

In front of the person you like, your heart beats faster
But in front of the person you love, you get happy.

In front of the person you love, winter seems like spring.
But in front of the person you like, winter is just beautiful winter.

If you look into the eyes of the one you like, you blush.
But if you look into the eyes of the one you love, you smile.

In front of the person you like, you can't say everything on your mind.
But in front of the person you love, you can.

In front of the person you like, you tend to get shy.
But in front of the person you love, you can show your own self.

You can't look straight into the eyes of the one you like.
But you can always smile and stare into the eyes of the one you love.

when the one you like is crying, you end up comforting.
When the one you love is crying, you cry with them.

The feeling of like starts from the ear.
But the feeling of love starts from the eye.

So if you stop liking a person you used to like, all you need to do is cover your ears. But if you try to close your eyes, love turns into a drop of tear and remains in your heart forever

The End

I guess these pointers are slightly general. And the author is in love who writes these to make those deprived envious. KEKEKE..!!

I Yam' an Auditory Learner!

2004-08-29T03:26:00.000-07:00

The results of Yvonne Foong's learning inventory are: Visual/Nonverbal: 22 Visual/Verbal: 24 Auditory: 30 Kinesthetic 16

Your primary learning style is: The Auditory/ Verbal Learning Style

You learn best when information is presented auditory in an oral language format. In a classroom setting, you benefit from listening to lecture and participating in group discussions. You also benefit from obtaining information from audio tape. When trying to remember something, you can often "hear" the way someone told you the information, or the way you previously repeated it out loud. You learn best when interacting with others in a listening/speaking exchange .

Strategies for the Auditory/ Verbal Learner: Join a study group to assist you in learning course material. Or, work with a "study buddy" on an ongoing basis to review key information and prepare for exams. When studying by yourself, talk out loud to aid recall. Get yourself in a room where you won't be bothering anyone and read your notes and textbook out loud. Tape record your lectures. Use the 'pause' button to avoid taping irrelevant information. Use a tape recorder equipped with a 3-digit counter. At the beginning of each lecture, set your counter to '000.' If a concept discussed during lecture seems particularly confusing, glance at the counter number and jot it down in your notes. Later, you can fast forward to that number to review the material that confused you during lecture. Making use of a counter and pause button while tape recording allows you to avoid the tedious task of having to listen to hours and hours of lecture tape. Use audio tapes such as commercial books on tape to aid recall. Or, create your own audio tapes by reading notes and textbook information into a tape recorder. When preparing for an exam, review the tapes on your car tape player or on a "Walkman" player whenever you can. When learning mathematical or technical information, "talk your way" through the new information. State the problem in your own words. Reason through solutions to problems by talking out loud to yourself or with a study partner. To learn a sequence of steps, write them out in sentence form and read them out loud.

Web Version of the Learning Styles Survey © Copyright 2000 by Suzanne Miller, InstructorContact me via: smiller@dvc.edu or or phone: (510) 685-1230 ext 830 or fax: (510) 687-2557Diablo Valley College 321 Golf Club Road, Pleasant Hill, CA 94523latest update October 25, 2000.

Undecisions

2004-08-28T08:52:00.000-07:00

Here I am, worrying about what to do as a career again. I've done this many times but my health greatly influences my decisions. Looks like my childhood ambition is the hardest to achieve. To become a social worker I've to at least get a BSW or possibly MSW in order to work professionally. I see myself walking about hospitals, doing paperworks, applying grants for patients, help rehabillate them... yes they call it a surgery counsellor. But to be equipped is not easy. It's $$$ in Univ. and I'm too weak to attend lectures everyday. there will be a lot to do than just reading books.

That leaves me to my second choice which is vocal music. I decided that the full-cert diploma is not for me. Though they say its neccessary as a musician. But all I want to do is SING! so I already have grade 8 theory knowledge and I can play the piano, that should be enough, right? But then.... you really have to be very extraordinary to be noticed as a vocalist nowadays. Due to my small-built, limited lung capacity, and bad health, I won't sing opera. In fact, I've more interest in classical art songs, classical crossover they call it. Like Charlotte Church and Hayley Westenra. Haha! Kevin's dad even said I should perform broadway! BUT THEN AGAIN, I've poor hearing which I hope won't get worse. So all in all, vocal music is also another gamble.

I remember when we had our palms read last year... Elena and Alicia's life is career orientated. While he spoke nothing about mine until I asked, "it'll come later" ah... is it good or bad? I really don't wanna end up a dumb home maker. I wanna be skilled like everyone. Peer Pressure, huh? *sigh*
But what should I do?

Self-Actualization

2004-08-25T20:35:00.000-07:00

I have a very unique dream last night. I dreamt that my pet tortoise gave birth to many newborn tortoises, one was at my toes. Supertitious me googled around and found these...

Spirit Community.com

Baby: Many people from time to time will have babies or small children in their dreams. If these newborns are strangers to you, you can assume that they represent you. You are the baby and the dream is telling you something about your development in a particular area of your life. At times of great change and renewal, a baby may appear in a dream and represent your potential and a new beginning. Some of the meaning of the dream may be obtained by considering what the baby looked like and was doing. Generally, babies represent innocence and are symbols of the purest form of a human whose possibilities are endless. However, if the babies appearance is odd, and if your interactions with it are bizarre or unusual, you need to consider your own well-being (psychologically) and think about what personal experiences and psychological hang-ups have prevented you from growing.
Turtle: These animals hold interesting symbolism. Most people loved turtles in childhood and some do in adulthood. The ideas that they convey are those of steadfastness and caution. They move and change very slowly, and in your dream about them, you may be expressing some of your reluctance to forge ahead. The turtles have strong protective shells, which may also be symbolic of your defense mechanisms or real life protection with which you have surrounded yourself.

Petrix.com

Turtle: Opportunity for advancement is available to you. You have enemies around

Soul Future.com

Birth: Spawning new life from withinDiscovering new aspects of yourselfA spiritual awakening

Baby:Dreaming about a baby usually indicates new beginnings, a new idea or a new birth within.

Tortoise: Slow but steady progress, Defensiveness, Resilience, A hard outer façade used to protect or disguise a fragile and vulnerable inner core

Hyper Dictionary.com

Tortoise: Seeing a tortoise in your dream, suggests that you need to take some chances in order to get ahead in life. The opportunities for advancement are opened to you, but you need to take the next step

Birth: Dreaming of giving birth or see someone else giving birth, suggests that you are giving birth to a new idea or project. It also represents a new attitude, fresh beginnings or a major upcoming event. Alternatively, the dream may be calling attention to your inner child and the potential for your to grow. A more direct interpretation of this dream, may represent your desires/ anxieties of giving birth or the anticipation for such an event to occur. Dreaming that you are giving birth to a non-human creature means you overwhelming (an unfounded) fear in the health of your baby. You are overly concerned that your baby may have birth defects. This type of dream is common in expectant mothers in their second trimester. If you are not expecting, then it refers to your fear in the outcome of some decision or project. You are trying to overcome difficulties in your life and achieve inner development. In particular, if you dream that you are giving birth to a monster, then it implies that your inner creative energy has yet to differentiate itself and grow into expression. You may hold some hesitation in releasing this "monster" for fear that others will judge your or that they will not accept your ideals. Dreaming that the mother dies during birth, represents transformation. The dream represents the ending of one thing (death) and the new beginning of another thing (birth). You may be making life changes or getting rid of your old habits and ways.
Foot: Dreaming that you injured or hurt your foot means a lack of progress, freedom, and independence. Alternatively, the dream may suggests that you have taken a step in the wrong direction. In particular, to dream that your foot gets cut by glass, then it indicates passivity. You are hesitant or reluctant in taking the first step toward a goal or decision.

These are SO true about the position I am in now. The next big leap I am going to take is to go abroad. But I am still not sure what exactly is holding me back. Is it the the mean people that has been discouraging me? or is there something I cannot let go of? I used to be very excited about this new adventure. But now I feel different. A weird feeling... something that is blocking my vision. what could that be?

Optimism vs. Evil

2004-08-25T08:49:00.000-07:00

If having an incurable disease is not bad enough, I've to bear with people who constantly dampens my spirit. In one day, I received 2 blows. First was my mom's friend who was skeptical when mom told her my case is on a charity basis. Worst of all, she began by saying I got it through the internet. And don't know why people choose to be narrow-minded, they take the internet as evil and anyone making anything out of it is in trouble. Maybe its the selfish Malaysian attitude that doesn't believe in the need of charity and existance of charitable possibilities. I gave her the website of the House Ear Institute and she probably got it wrong. She tells my mom that a drug company is paying me as a guinea pig. Oh please...that's so totally ridiculous! common sense tells that surgery is a practical thing and drugs are more like radiation. ah what the heck.. they still think chemotherapy is radiation anyway.

Then... just now my aunt in US called and with a very sarcastic accent she told me, "do u have anyone to stay with after ur surgery?", "i want u to know that its ur responsibility alright", "u've to be responsible for whatever u do" blablabla... this may sound very ordinary to you but I know her attitude and there's sure some other meaning behind those words.

ah... how many people actually believes in me? who still believes there is a way out of every situation? who believes there's still justice in this world? Someone says I've over-confident sometimes. She is right and you know what, optimism is what brought me this far. and I'm thankful for it.

Flight Scheduled

2004-08-22T22:07:00.000-07:00

FINALLY.... after months of planning.. I'm finally ready to proceed for my surgery. I'm leaving on 8th September, 3:15pm. Arriving in LAX on the same day, 6:25pm. (LA is 18 hours different from us) So much hustles and bustles.. we're back to square one. I'm going alone. Hah! what's the big deal? I've been in worse situations. The only thing I feel pity is Yuki. I should've contacted him much earlier. I've just purchased a RM55-value IDD card, now left with RM45 and I'm leaving in 2 weeks time. The remainder of credits will be given to my mom, so she can call me in LA at a discounted rate, 0.20 cents/min. Coincidentally, Keisha is leaving to India for the same purpose, on 7th September. If she decides to be operated in LA, we can meet for the first time, in a foreign country somemore, won't it be cool? Well, I'll just have to wait till she visits during winter.

YIPPIE YIPPIE YAY YAY!

2004-08-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

Waddya know? spoke to yukito again. wheeeee!! and it went on for 45 minutes excluding the times we spent re-dailling. Somehow the connection tonight was terrible. He sounded like mumbles adding that Taylors' College is in its commercial zone again. BISING BETUL!! I should've called him tomorrow instead. Ah... I wanted the off-peak rate at 0.15 cents/min and Saturday night is best.

If it wasn't for the connection, it would have been a very gleeful conversation. For the first time, he dominated the whole conversation instead of talkative me. 2 years ago I'd go blabbering and he listens. And 2 years later, it's vice versa. And I'm happy about that cuz really I'm tired of being the initiative one. Unfortunately tonight, it felt like I was talking to Kenrick who mumbles all the time and I have to pick out 'keywords' to make out what he is saying. Luckily, Yuki spoke so many words and all in full sentences that made it much easier to guess.

But it's funny you know cuz I'm very slow and I don't get things fast enough, opposite of himself. So when I don't understand he explains until I do with a more slower speed and funny accent. well... if it was someone else I'd take it as offensive but it sounds real funny on Yuki. heehee!!

Looking forward to next weekend... WHEEEEE!! *nuts*

Survey

2004-08-20T21:29:00.001-07:00

how does ur dream guy looks like? (more like who Yuki is..hehe)

1. sweet or sexy?
Most guys despise being descibed as sweet. Sexy? more like nerdy.

2. honest or shy?
honest. I can't stand shy guys

3.cute or handsome/pretty?
cute tho' some may attest to that.

4. chinito or big eyes?
chinito but when i look into his eyes they seem big

5. friendly or picky?
from my side it's friendly. but looking at his social circle, its picky.

6. fasionable or casual?
it's fashionably casual.

7. interesting or funny?
interesting. he never fails to amaze me.

8. mysterious or out-in-the-open?
there's practically no one i can speak to about him.

9. pessimistic or optimistic?
i hate pessimism

10. elegant or down-to-earth?
down-to-earth

11. intelligent or witty?
Yuki has both. ain't I lucky?

12. conversationalist or more-than-words type of guy?
conversationalist. somehow our conversations are never dry or over-flooding.

13. rich or middle class?
is there a specific range?

14. romantic or buddy-type?
buddy type. The best romance blossoms from friendship.isn't it great to be able to treat your love as your bestfriend?

15. intellectual or sporty?
intellectual. I'm not into sports either.

16. cuddly or muscular?
he's warm and strong.

17. nice teeth or nice eyes?
he has both.

18. musician or athelete?
musician.

19. tall or average?
average. he's precisely 20cm from me!

20. smoker or non-smoker?
NON-smoker. i repeat...NON-smoker.

21. drinker or non-drinker?
the last time I knew he doesn't take alcohol. now dunnola...

22. traditional or go-with-the-flow?
both, more towards the latter.

23. adventurous or laid-back?
i hate inactivity. and he's goal-orientated.

24. long or short hair?
I've never seen him in long hair but short looks smarter and tidier.

Soulmates

2004-08-15T22:05:00.001-07:00

The word "soulmate" is a subjective matter. I googled around the web and found many renditions of the word.

In Greek Mythology, it is believed that humans were once with 2 heads and 4 legs. It is because they offended the Creator, as punishment, they were separated and destinied to search for each other for the rest of their lives. sad case isn't it?

Back in time, soulmates were explained through myths, astrology, palmistry, et cetera. Today's scientist calculates probability of soulmates based on geographical conditions of the community. Personally, soulmates are too subjective to be associated with maths and science.

Some also believe that we have many soulmates; teachers, caretakers, those who makes us realise who we are, etc. Urgh.... so many explanations.. they are getting me confused to remember all.

Based on my own observation and logical analysis of available datas.. I've come up with my own conclusion. I believe that we are pre-ordained to ONE soulmate before birth. Your soulmate is your other half, almost identical. Ofcourse, there are still little differences here and there but that's just to keep one another from getting bored of each other. But humans are still human. We have a choice whether to be or not to be with our soulmate. In order words, you choose to be happy. Some people remain single all their lives. I believe its their attitude that keeps them searching on and on. They never come to terms of who they are and what they really need. These people THINK they want something when they clearly need something else.

Now for the emotional part, how do you know if he/she is your soulmate? This is a little tricky for those who have not found theirs. I agree with Ed's explanation that your soulmate is someone who fills your emptiness. As no one is complete, soulmates are here to make us feel complete. It is just like looking at yourself in the mirror. A soulmate is an exact duplication of you with the extra elements that you lack.

But don't think that soulmates are pre-made either. Although they are pre-ordained to you, it still take efforts to maintain. An open mind to who you are and what you want will help a lot.

I have one little point but I'm not sure if it applies to everyone. I believe that when you meet your soulmate, it feels like you've known this person (emotionally) somewhere, sometime ago. When you meet after a long separation, both starts talking like you've never been separated. They simply bring the best out in you. Some even have telepathy!

It's simply impossible to explain about soulmates in a blog post. The best way to understand this is to meet your soulmate personally. Before you do that, you have to remember, who you are and what you lack/need.

Do take some time to read this insightful ARTICLE.

CLOUD 9

2004-08-14T20:03:00.000-07:00

WHEEEEEE!! I FEEL SOOOOOO HAPPY!! Never felt this happy in a looong time! and there's only 1 reason that can make me like this. and it's gotta be Yukito. WHEEEEEE!! I must thank Ed and Elena for the ignitions... for encouraging me. WHEEEEEEEEE!!!

*sing the Barney song*

Facts About Men

2004-08-13T06:10:00.000-07:00

Got this list from the web and here it is for some laughter. hahaha!

Men like to barbecue (this explains Kenrick's eagerness about having a barbecue for my birthday and willingly grills for all of us., without a single fret. Tho I don't quite understand why)

Men will cook if danger is involved.

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and have bought jewelry.

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow instead of a gun.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear into the heart of even General Schwartzkopf.

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and nerdy

Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say, "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrased. Get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor, two inches from the door.

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right" because he got older,
got a new job, or
visited a psychiatrist,
you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

No man is charming all the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice voluntarily.

Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget... he didn't lose your number... he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.

Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause -- you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened

I WON THE LOTTERY!!! ....almost

2004-08-11T22:43:00.000-07:00

When applying for visa, my number was 1190. Since the process went smoothly for me, I thought it was perhaps a lucky number. Yeah...how supertitious I am. So when we drove pass the Lotto shoplot (dunno what its called) mom asked me something and I suggested that we bid on 1190. That was on Sunday.

1190 happens to be 3rd prize for today's draw. If we bought on Monday, perhaps we can get about RM5,000 cuz mom bid RM5. *sigh* seems like I'm close to being lucky, but not just yet.

Don't worry I won't become an addicted gambler. Cuz I'm not born with such attitude and I'm certain about it. Scardy Cat...Catch a Rat...

Great Time at the World's Largest Bird Park

2004-08-11T06:27:00.000-07:00

Usually we get everyone's head turned at the word "spirit", or "ghost". Cuz it is what we cannot see with our naked eye and therefore remain a mystery. But ironically, my last post did not get any comment. Is it because people are afraid of commenting? or they don't notice the extra presence in the photo. For those relevant to the second reason, there's a clearly visible pair of legs next to Elena's big head.

In lighter note, Joo Kim came over this afternoon and we decided to be outdoors. So we drove and drove along Federal Highway and suddenly decided we should pay a visit to the legendary muzeum. The last time I went there was time inmemorial. The entrance fee is still RM2. But lotsa modifications inside. It has more display items now and also more congested, in my humble opinion. But Joo Kim didn't feel too good about the atmosphere so we departed and went to the planetarium but sadly, it was near closing time. So we went to the bird park instead and it was hell of a GREAT TIME! We saw so many bird species I can't remember all. I'm so proud of being able to pet an owl! It's feather was VERY smooth and it is VERY humble. That big pitiful eyes... must have been through a lot of taming process. It doesn't fly off and I wonder why. We saw many hornbills and peacocks and parrots and ostriches (we feed 'em!!) and storks and emus and what else ah? Gosh I love that place so much but I didn't have enough stamina to really enjoy the trip. The entrance fee is RM12 for local adults and RM28 for foreigners. No fair huh?

We left the Bird Park at 7 something and drove to PJ state to have dinner. Picked up Joo Kim's brother from tuition at ss17 and then sent me home. I'm VERY satisfied with my day because it was VERY worthwhile. My time had gone to good use, instead of lepaking at shopping malls and watering holes.

I heard the zoo is now in a sad state, otherwise I would most likely go there. I also intend to visit PAWS one day. But next time I'm not wearing jeans. LOL!

Coincidence with the Afterlife.

2004-08-09T02:18:00.000-07:00

dJcarmenColours
Originally uploaded by Doey.

The title sux. I don't know what should I name it cuz I'm still in shock. I took this photo for elena. I turned off the flash cuz I liked the bluelight effect resulting from Kafe 7's signboard. But look closely to the white wira car... WE WERE NOT ALONE!

Before this I always doubted those pictures people took that contains shadowy figures.. but now I experienced it myself! so my fellow bloggers who believe me, this is real.

I actually made sure no one was behind Elena before I snapped and the road was also empty and quiet at that time. One reason I can think of, is because of my bad mood. I felt sad at that time and probably prone to the afterlives. I dunno... this is just my guess.

Care to speculate?

Friendship Reunion

2004-08-08T09:31:00.000-07:00

Today, or more like YESTERDAY (since its past 12am), the bunch of us (me, Elena, Kenrick, Gideon, Joel, Jason, Rajan and another fella) had Bak Kut Teh for dinner at this cozy air-conditioned restaurant near The One Academy.

Well, I was told it's only me, Gideon and Rajan, to wish me farewell and to reunite with Gideon who has been studying in Singapore for months now. If I hadn't called Elena, I daren't imagine how things would have been like. It was hell in the car. 6 guys squashed in the backseat of a Cefiro ain't cool. Adding that they were talking very loudly.

It wasn't a great outing for me. Dunno y, I don't feel happy with this gang anymore. I wonder if I ever did anyway. Wish I could mix more with Luke and gang. They're so nice to crap with. Well, maybe cuz they're all grown-up 22-year-olds so they talk differently. I kept laughing even when I am not involved in the joke.

We took some photos today... it's uploaded into flickr. Check them out via the link at the side.

The Embassy Ordeal

2004-08-04T19:37:00.000-07:00

Good News for myself. My mom and I, both got an infinite visa, that lasts for 10 years. Yeay!! No need for renewal for the next 10 years. Now my next step is to...

Upon entering, I was screened from hair to toe for weapons of mass destructions. I was found innocent. So I walked across the open area to the office where I was again screened. (this time I am smart enough to leave my h/p to my mom) When I went in, there was this dark skinned guy with an european slang at window no. 6. He was taking ages to finish talking. The good thing about Aseans, we're more straight-forward. Or more like we never tend to speak in proper sentences.

My turn came and the baby-voice lady took my stubs.
And when she came back with my passports;
Lady: We're supposed to start at 2:30 but...well...
Me: (Shah Alam is a better place to allocate an Embassy)Yeah...we're early. *giggle*
Lady: So here you go...
Me: Thank you
Lady: Take care and have a nice day
Me: *smile*
Lady: Okay??
Me: Kay...

I think she went through my particulars and know I am sick. Either that or I just look little and adorable. *heh heh*

I literally ran past the exit point with the passports in hand, forgetting to return the consular tag. "I thought you didn't want your I/C", said the woman at the guard house. And when I came back to return, I tripped and fell on my back. Those ignorant Malaysians waiting in line right behind me, just looked as if watching a drama on TV. Then came that non-Malaysian-european-looking-guy who just exited. He helped me up. At this point, I was thanking the kind soul while cursing the oh-so-Malaysian attitude.

And not to forget, the monkey show that my mom put on when she realise her visa valids for 10 years, so as mine.
I'd also like to note that we weren't interviewed. But it was such glee to watch other people's interview especially this absolutely dramatic conversation between a chinese guy and the strictest embassador among the lot. how much do you earn? what's your bank account balance? why didn't u directly return on your last trip? what do you do?
If I had a camcorder I could have taken that down. It was great to watch.
Oh and this huge family of 6. He claims to earn RM100k a month. Sounds like a business man. Oh well... both parties didn't get through. There were like almost a hundred applications on Tuesday but only about 10 or less turned up, including myself. I am blessed!

Now a question... if only a limited amount of applicants are allowed to enter on a strict basis, then why is the embassy so big?

Milestone of the Heart

2004-08-02T06:09:00.000-07:00

I've always been interested in the unknown. I'd shrug for awhile like when I first heard about the Bermuda Triangle. Well, I actually went there before when I was 9 years old and thank goodness I did not get trapped. But really, the unseen like afterlife isn't so scary after all. Just like when they say that humans are the worst trouble. Now, that's not relevant but...

I don't know if it's a privilege to be able map my own life. Some people prefer to live within fate's control. I don't think that is a good idea but choosing is also very scary. Suddenly, it strucked me that it's not the guy I choose, but the path I opt to take. I was very delighted to see the fork at the start of my love line dissappearing. But now, I wonder if it's a good thing.

Ever since I chose to take Dr. Friedman's offer, something unconciously happens gradually. Now, I do not miss Yukito as much as before. I''m still emotionally attached to him. When I receive his mails and hears about him, I become very delighted. But at normal times, I don't have that sweet and sour feeling anymore. Instead, I feel like he is literally dead. Have you had any loved ones depart this world? For example, when my aunt first died, I was very upset and cried myself to sleep many times. The pain was very vivid as if it was physical. But after a long time, the grief is no longer there. I still remember her very well, but I do not feel her anymore.

Like now, I do not remember how it felt at Yuki's presence. It's like I knew this guy some very long time ago and now he's just completely gone, physically. The e-mails and messages are plain materials that humors the mind. I doubt sometimes, could the sender be impersonating Yuki? Am I not speaking to Yuki?

DISTANCE is what really makes the heart go fonder, but absence makes us forget.

Could Yuki be influenced by my options in life? But looking at my priorities, I did make this decision according on it.

Whatever happens, I know for sure that I will be happy with whatever choices I make.

Pulling The Last Straw

2004-07-29T13:27:00.000-07:00

I wonder are some people worth my time befriending them. It's pretty obvious they're being mean to me and it hurts. But I thought it is nice to treat them well anyway because it's morally appropriate.

But accepting their flaws doesn't help much. Instead, they think it's fine to be mean. What if I gave it back to them? Will they stop their ugly habits? But then, I will be a bad person too and may cause more chaos.

I am always thought to be nice to people. But no one ever told me to protect myself. I am human with feelings too and I do not deserve to be mistreated. Buddha teaches us to forgive and be open-minded. I tried but my human emotions cannot be denied. God gave us the ability to feel so why should we fight against God's creation?

I also wonder, when will these mean people succumb to the evil things they did.

Sign the Petition For the Sake of Our Furry Friends

2004-07-28T23:12:00.000-07:00

I wrote a long post about my experience at IKEA but it somehow got deleted. I'm not going to rewrite it...instead I should post something more meaningful...

SPCA is appealing for amendments to the law protecting animals in Malaysia. In our opinion, animal abusers should face harsher punishments. Do your bit of charity by signing the petition.. HERE

And for most people out there, consider volunteering to charity instead of bumming at shopping malls and watering holes.

For the Subang-Lites, PAWS is very accessible.

HELP THOSE WHO CAN'T SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES!

New Bonds Forming

2004-07-27T08:55:00.000-07:00

Aaah... I feel good. No not in that sense!

I made new friends. Joanne was to pass me Op. 20 so she couldn't make it to Subang so she passed it to a guy name Vincent. It was like ages ago when I lost my phone and the fella who stole my phone replied her! so all the while she thought I knew until yesterday when I finally met her online after a long time. So today, Vincent and another guy named Luke, or more commonly known as Theng Terk from SMSJ too, came over to mua house to pass me the pieces. They invited me to join them for a drink and I agreed. I surely made the right choice.

At the mamak stall, 4 other people joined us, including me there were 2 girls. Philip Chua was one of them and the rest I couldn't remember their names but there were four ex-smsjians including myself. They try to include me into their conversations and when I looked puzzled they'd explain to me what's happening. And Luke knows Kenrick by chance. Haha! small world... Philip and I also spoke about the choir and his siter, Kelly Chua. We also talked about martial arts and a lot of other topics. It's fascinating to see new interaction environments. These people are not extremely close to each other but they sure communicate like the best of buddies including the female. Vincent's from Ipoh so he knew them via college and church. I could see that their laughters are very real and they just let themselves go without bothering what people think. Although I don't quite fit in yet but they sure made me feel comfortable.

When sending me back, Vincent and Luke invited me to join them some other time. I didn't really answer but I'm more than glad to join. heh heh...

Save the Animals

2004-07-27T01:45:00.000-07:00

She intends to adopt a kitten, while it is barely able to walk properly. I gave my advice, which I regret doing now. After all, it ain't my business if it dies. You'll get the sin, I've done my job.

Who said so? My friend's kitten all lived that way...

C'mon, I wouldn't have said that unless I am sure. I've lived with cats since the very day I was born and my own mom has looked after newborn cats until they die of old age, since she was very young. Who knows more about cats than us?

We may not have the expertise to treat illness nor can we name every species scientifically. But we sure do know that kittens need their mother's milk to survive, for at least 3 months old until they're able to consume solid food.

Personally, I've seen many MANY generation of cats throughout my life. My mom and I have tried saving abandoned kittens a million times. And it never works. Maybe 1 in a million would but they either won't survive for more than a year or be extremely mul-nourished. That's because feline's milk is the only consumable liquid in this world for kittens. The milk produced by a cat is God given containing all the neccessary nutrtitions needed by kittens and NOTHING can replace that.

I'd also like to take the opportunity to highlight a very important issue. There are newborn animals abandoned everyday. It's such a sad sight at the market. Boxes of newborn kittens everywhere, most have not even opened their eyes. Which means it's barely one week old. Everytime I come over these unlucky creatures, I'll say a prayer and wish them luck. I don't have the resources to save these pitiful animals. And I certainly don't have a feline's milk. So there's nothing I can do to save them but to pray.

For goodness sake why are people so blind and STUPID!?! The idiots may be a university graduate but have a brain the size of a peanut. How would they feel if they were the one being abandoned? I bet they can't even stay hungry for more than a day. What more for tiny little kittens whose only hope of survival are their mother's milk? God gave these animals a reason to live and humans have no right or authority whatsoever to end their lives. I wonder if these people who throws away unwanted pets are irresponsible people by nature.

PAWS and SPCA shouldn't have existed in the first place. It only gives pet owners a way to get rid of unwanted pets. Well here goes a piece of my mind. If you don't want the pet, why did you rear it in the first place?

Some time ago, Snoopy had a terrible skin problem. She shedded almost all her fur and she looked ugly. Everyone including friends and relatives told us to anthenise her or simply 'throw' her away. I've always wanted to snap back, 'u look very horrible too so u should be disowned' I seriously don't understand, how can people be so blind and cold-hearted? If I have the law my way, those found guilty of mishandling animals should be punished the exact way how they mistreat the animals. Those who abandon kittens should be left to die at the sahara dessert. So they'll undergo starvation and pain exactly the way they inflicted on their victims.

Ouch!

2004-07-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

I'm not feeling too well, the pain of a being stabbed at the heart. This sound odd... I'm not able to explain why but.. I got to know my dear is hurt... and therefore I feel his pain.. right at the bottom of my heart. I don't know for what reason... but pulling the last straw of a kind and forgiving person like him? to the extend of breaking bonds? I dare not imagine.

I wish I could plant a knuckle sandwich on the culprits.. who happen to be my friends too. I wish I could be there to embrace the victim and treat the wound. I'm too hurt... I cannot write further... I need to retreat.... I.... speechless.

Honey? or Money??

2004-07-22T20:31:00.000-07:00

One fine morning, while running some errands, Sri KL'S public announcement system came on... I suppose they're going on a trip to the zoo or something like that where they get in contact with a bear.

The Bear doesn't want honey, The Bear wants MONEY! there are a lot of things to be bought...blablabla...

I slapped my forehead and thought, "that's the most RIDICULOUS thing I have ever heard!!" I wouldn't be suprised if these Sri KL pre-schoolers one day grow up to believe that bears feed on money. They'll be so treatened at groccery stores with big greezy bears shopping with them.

Don't people realise that children grow up to be like their caretakers? So it's VERY irresponsible of the school to say things like that. They must be very careful in communicating with children, so the kids won't absorb wrong informations.

I must cross the road one day and tell the little ones, "Bears DO eat HONEY!!" It's the adults who wants money.

Personal Reminder

2004-07-20T20:05:00.000-07:00

If I am allowed to do just one evil thing, I'd murder Kenrick. Not because he's done any harm but...
I've got to have faith in myself. I know that I'll be able to get through this and such evil temptations will NOT get me off track. Because I'm strong in mind and I canNOT be intimidated. After all, he's only my younger brother whom I can DESTROY with just a thumb. Muahahaha!! (words spoken while insane should never be taken into account)

p/s: This does not make Ricky Zhai-Zhai less of a friend. In fact, he's one great buddy that anyone could ever dream of. *smirk*

My big precious luggages

2004-07-19T05:45:00.000-07:00

I feel so disgruntled and lifeless today. After a week of absence, I returned to college this afternoon to play the piano. I saw my collegemates sitting in classes I am supposed to attend. I saw my head of department and even sat in for his rudiments class with the semester 1 students. I met Jason, Caryn Mok and whats-his-name... (shit I talked to him for an hour and I can't remember his name), they're studying in my college, I just found out today. I heard my peers playing music. THESE are all the things I have to put behind my back. This is so difficult for me.. I don't dare to look back. so it'll pin me up the wall.

I'm definitely going to US no matter what, because I give my health the upmost priority. I most probably won't continue my music education, for the better of my hearing. So I'm not saying that I regret my decision. But somehow...it's just sad to have all the things you ever wanted for and then forced to leave it. I've always wanted to study what I love and was waiting anxiously for time to pass and for me to finish secondary school.

*sigh* sad life of me...

28th Bon Odori 2004

2004-07-17T07:50:00.000-07:00

I am soooo exhausted! But its worth loosing some energy because I had a fantastic time with my friends, Alicia, Jo Kim and Kenrick. Today is the annual Bon Odori(woo hoo) celebration and it's once again held at the Matsushita Stadium, Shah Alam. We arrived there at around 6:30pm and went scouting around the stalls for Japanese food(bought like 10 packets of food). We had our picnic dinner on the grass and when we finished the food(burp), we got up to join the dance. When I went with Elena last year, we were very blur and knew nuts cuz it was our first time. But I did better this year because I already have a brief picture of the dance steps and my memory got refreshed very quickly. I was enjoying myself after awhile. As usual, there were three rounds and each round has 3 Bons (dance) and ends with a finale each. I can't say which dance is my favourite because I love them all. Kenrick looked very blur however(I was). I wonder if he enjoyed himself. The guest and drum performances were also very impressive. It ended at past 9 and Alicia's dad fetched us home.

I feel that folk dances are also very interesting after all because the steps are very simple and easy to learn(no sweat....literally). The japanese folk songs are also very catchy and the tempo is pretty obvious. I could guess when does a certain action ends. :-D

For those of you who don't know, today is the Japanese version of Cheng Meng. It's a day for the Japanese to erm...how to say... honor their ancestors. For the full story, search google. HEHEHE!!

here goes the pictures taken. Bon 1 Bon 2 Bon 3 Bon 4 Bon 5

The Fate of a Housewife... To Be.

2004-07-16T19:53:00.000-07:00

Elena always say I've the housemaker look and will most likely turn out to be a housewife in the future. (well I don't mind cuz that means my family is well-off and I get to enjoy the bliss of adulthood) But what you do unto others will be done unto you. Elena's now doing all her maid's job cuz coincidentally, her maid left and before the new one comes, she's out of job and is yet to start studying. She wakes up every morning to do the laundry (washing, drying, ironing, folding) before she sets off to sweep and mop the floor. Then she cooks every meal for her whole family including the cat and its 3 newborn kittens The other day she invited me over to have lunch in her house. But it turned out that I helped myself to the TV most of the time while she busily runs the errands. I do miss the old Elena who would attend to me completely when I come by. But really, I don't mind the new Elena cuz I seriously couldn't stand seing her idling around. Now that her maid is gone, she is forced to exercise and hopefully burn some calories. Muahahaha!!!

Blessing Counts

2004-07-15T05:47:00.000-07:00

BLESSING TIME!! hehe.. it's been so long since I last counted my blessings. I'm so troubled these 2 years. I've been occupied with so many problems to solve, I almost forgotten what I'm blessed with. So here I am, making a list of things I'm thankful for.

No matter what situation I'm in, I always get helped.
That is because I've a bunch of wonderful friends who love me for who I am.
I've got both my parents with me.
Joo Kim pointed this out the other day: Eventhough I don't drive and don't have a car, but I always have someone to drive me around. Whether its my parents or my friends. (also becuz I live in a strategic area)
becuz I have to undergo great difficultis so early in life, I'm forced to face many problems that adults should face, thus making me more resiliant.
I've had a happy childhood. And that's already a blessing.
And finally... this one is for me to know. heehee!!

Dats all that I can think of now. I'm not focusing cuz Kenrick chai-chai is reaaaally annoying me!~!

Updates

2004-07-14T20:35:00.000-07:00

I guess blogger's built-in comments function isn't favourable at all. They allow anonymous comments but how are coommenters supposed to identify themselves? So I resorted to using yaccs again.

As you can see, I changed layouts again. I didn't really like the last one. This looks much more pleasant to MY eyes, at least. heh heh! I'm fed up of all those fancy layouts already. I realise I get more response using this type of layout where everything is written on just one page instead of having to click links after links.

That's all for now. Adieu!

Confused

2004-07-13T06:05:00.000-07:00

I had a hearing test done this morning. This my first time doing a hearing test and the results turn out as what I thought it would be. My hearing is less than 50% from normal. My right ear is totally deaf and my left ear is not strong. I swear hearing ringing sounds in my left ear and I'm too afraid to admit it is true. Because I don't want to be totally deaf.

I feel so helpless again. I've graduated secondary school and on the path to discover my future. While many of my friends have already engaged in a prospective education, I'm still doubting my choices. At first, I thought designing would be best because I enjoy art. But I've eyesight of a 60 years old and I need my magnifying glasses to read. I probably won't be able to endure the long hours anyway. Then, I switched to music because I love to sing and I have a very sweet voice. But then, my hearing is so poor, its getting harder to control my pitch nowadays. And I live in fear of loosing my left ear as well. What am I going to do? Am I trying too hard? Maybe I should've just taken my mom's words. I should've just bum around and enjoy life. But it's not me to sit around and do nothing.

If I value my priorities, my health is definitely more important than education. But seeing my friends being able to do anything they like makes me feel challenged. But I'm also very tired of keeping up the pace. On Monday, I was so tired I had to skip history class and go home to lie down. It's only been 2 surgeries and I'm already so wrecked, how much more energy can I afford to loose?

What am I going to do for the rest of my life? When are they going to find a cure for me?

Masterclass with Yamamoto

2004-07-10T09:35:00.000-07:00

I had a vocal masterclass with Mr. Yamamoto in college on Friday. Mr. Yamamoto came all the way from Japan to give us master classes. He's a professor in a few univ. around Japan and China. He's also a conductor and he speaks four languages which is Japanese, English, Mandarin, and German. cool eh? But I can speak 5! hehehe!! My 1 hour class with him was fantastic. He's able to point out my mistakes right away and helped me change my habit. He gives me a very relaxed feeling so it's easy for me to relax my larynx. He also thought me how to sing 'I dream a dream' better. Also, he managed to see something in me that no one else has. Everyone says that I'm brave and strong. But by listening to me singing for the first time, Mr. Yamamoto was able to tell that I'm not calm in the heart. Thinking about it, I feel like crying out loud. But it won't help. I can also see that Mr. Yamamoto is a very wonderful person. He did masterclasses for us last year for FREE. So Mr. Liew felt guilty so we paid him RM30 every person this year. I wish I could meet more people like Mr. Yamamoto in my life...

Forkroad

2004-07-06T05:23:00.000-07:00

College has begun. It's my second semester! But quite boring... cuz for the next 6 months we've to learn Malaysian Traditional Music History and Ethnic Music Appreciation. It's SO dreadful in those classes. Solfege and dictation is not bad. It's more interactive. As for History, we're studying the classical period now. The composers we're going to be studying are Haydn, Mozart and Beethoven. On Saturday, I've got Italian class. Our lecturer is my vocal teacher! Cecilia!! hehe... I wonder how she teaches Italian.

*sigh* how I wish I'm mundane. I can continue with my studies without worries, sing opera and do a lot of things without being slowed by getting tired and having to go for surgery every now and then. If everything goes, I should be graduating with an advanced diploma when I am 20! Now, I doubt that will happen.

I'm also leaving in fear of losing my hearing. I major in vocal and hearing is very important. If I've both hearing, so much the better. When I get the ABI, I wonder what's going to happen. I love singing. But I feel opera is very tough for a weak person like me. Should I continue to learn opera? or just sing classical without aiming to reach an operatic voice?

Then, is a diploma in music really important for my career? or am I just wasting time? The full-cert diploma does not help much in a singing career. But it does serve as a contingency if I don't sing. Or should I just focus on singing? I hope to be able to gain admission into the Academy of Vocal Arts in Philaedelphia. They take students on a full scholarship basis that worths US$60k a year. cool right? But ofcourse, their requirement is very high. U've to have good foundation. Their 4 years program leads to an artists diploma.

Why do we always face decision-making situations?

Mission Accomplished

2004-07-03T07:48:00.000-07:00

This is a good day. Fendy and I went to cut our hair. I told the hairdresser to give him the punk look and PRESTO! No more Mr. Nerdy. He looks much better now. He has never changed his hairstyle or use gel! Now he has to.. heh heh. Tomorrow we're going back to get his hair dyed.

Conmen in action

2004-07-01T08:25:00.000-07:00

Today, I was with Elena and Alicia at somewhere in Subang Square and we were approached by this monk-looking guy. He gave me a card with the image of Goddess of Mercy and some scripture. I said 'thank you'(mom never told me not to accept things from strangers) and opened up a book. He gave me a pen and told me to write my name in there followed by the amount I wish to donate. So I thought, why not? so I wrote RM2 (yeah all I had was RM10) but he said the least I should donate is RM5!! I gave anyhow thinking it's an honest alms giving anyway. Then later in the day, it strrucked me that it's not the money that REAL monks ask for, so you can donate as you wish! drats.. I got cheated again. Do I have that easy-to-cheat look? *sigh*

A Note of Gratitude

2004-06-28T21:13:00.000-07:00

I don't always remember to check my blog stats. And whenever I do, the results are incredibly amazing. I've visitors from over 30 countries including Romania, Russian Federation, Nigeria, Israel, US military, Czech Republic, Saudi Arabia and many more, from all 7 continents.

And now... to give credit to the top 10 most loyal visitors and/or referrers to my blog.. from most to least.

1. David's blog http://blog.davidteoh.com
2. Ai Lin's blog http://ailinchia.blogspot.com
3. Albert's blog http://www.xfresh.com/albert
4. Serah's blog http://www.hakkyou.com/fenix/illuminati
5. K-Chan's blog http://strangefate.fateback.com
6. Aileen's blog http://amane.blogdrive.com
7. Jet's blog http://jet03.blogspot.com
8. Rajan's blog http://www.rajanr.com
9. Edrei's blog http://www.kamigoroshi.com
10.Lionel's blog http://dustyhawk.prayingfor.us

The rest either keep me in the favourites or prefer typing my short url in the address bar.

Thank you everyone for supporting!

Old Habits Die Hard

2004-06-27T23:56:00.000-07:00

I'm SO fed up with movabletype. It's so troublesome when you want to change templates other than the default ones provided. I don't remember which file I edited the last time, and I tried using another template. I've just added salt into a wound! HAAAIH! I guess blogger is still better for an amateur blogger like me. They have a comment function now so there's no need to subscribe for an external one. Sad case is I can't import archives from movabletype to blogger. But nevermindlah, this is a chance for me to start anew. hehehe!

Giveaways

2004-02-02T22:42:00.000-08:00

Does anyone wants a... LinKin Park live in Texas poster? it's F.O.C. I thought I'd keep it up on my wall but it makes the room look so horibble. Pardon me, I'm absolutely no fan of Linkin park. I tried listening to their singles album, Faint, and yes I almost FAINTED! It disturbs me a lot. I believe its important to keep a positive look in your house and feed your mind with good thoughts and music! Many says Linkin park is unique by their lyrics but I don't get interested in the lyrics when the music is already horrible enough! Linkin park METEORA promotional erm.....cardboard? F.O.C I've no idea what is this for but someone just stashed it onto me while working. There are also other cds I don't want but no harm keeping. Just in case I have a party or something I can play 'em. Lisa's helping me setup MovableType. So helpful of her! But we're still waiting for Emii's reply regarding the perl path of yagami.org Seing doctor tomorrow morning and I've to skip my dimensional design class. I hope I make it back for drawing class. BTW, I once wanted to study in The One Academy but chose MSC International in the end. Now I realise my ex-crush is in The One Academy! hahahahaha!!! oh what the heck......

Astro Family Day

2004-02-01T07:26:00.000-08:00

I'm SOOOOO exhausted! This is a rather looong weekend. On Saturday morning, Elena and I went to the Astro family day. Had lots of fun helping out at the xfresh booth. Our job was very easy. All we had to do was get teenagers aged 13-19 to complete a survey and give them a goodie pack each. What's in the goodie pack? A Michael Buble(pronounced as Boo Blay) flyer, a clean & clear oil & dirt removing wipes pack, a sample clean & clear cleanser, an xfresh notepad, a free cd of your choice, and a poster of your choice. FYI, one of the many posters was Linkin Park!! heh heh! everyone wanted that but I think Shaz only gave out some and we all thought its finished but when we packed up I found another 2 extra under the table! hehehe! I got myself one. That lasted for 6 hours but to me, it felt like only 1 hour! I just love doing this kinda marketing stuffs esp. giving people freebies! Shaz was very generous that as a sign of gratitude, he gave us a goodie pack each to take home. But our goodie pack is no ordinary goodie pack you find anywhere. Let me just list down the items he gave me alone. There were 5 volunteers yesterday. 1. Natural, Keep it Natural. Casette. 2. Michael Buble, How can you mend a broken heart. CD 3. Annie Lennox, Into the west. CD 4. Jewel, Intuition. CD 5. Westlife, Turnaround. Bonus karaoke CD 6. Britney Spears, Me against music. CD 7. Sean Paul, Get Busy. singles CD 8. Linkin Park, faint. singles CD 9. Missy Elliott, Pass that dutch. singles CD 10. Mis-Teeq, Scandalous. CD 11. Michelle Branch, Breathe. CD 12. Sugar Ray, Is she really going out with him? singles CD 13. P.O.D, Will you. CD 14. Seal, Get it together. CD 15. Hayley Westena, Pure. CD 16. Machi CD and VCD. 17. e-games combo pack 18. 4 packs of Clean & Clean Deep Action Cleanser. 19. 4 packs of Clean & Clear Oil & Dirt removing wipes. 20. 4 xfresh notepads. 21. 2 xfresh pocket organisers, 22. a photoframe. 23. Westlife postcards 24. Stickers 25. and the Linkin Park poster I took. (should've taken more) After all these while I've always wondered how xfresh sustain financially apart from Astro and where they get all the gifts to give the contest winners. But when Shaz let us choose any CD we want yesterday, I couldn't believe my eyes when he showed us the amount of free gifts they have in storage! According to Elena, xfresh receives new stocks every week. I even joked that XFresh is turning into an advertising company rather than a teen community. Now I feel a little guilty cuz I think the things xfresh gave me in return for 6 hours work is worth more than RM600 at least! Elena's pack is slighty different from mine and the things I want that she has and I don't is Westlife's Turnaround CD and Gareth Gates latest album. We both really wanted Josh Groban but too bad they don't have it. At around 5pm we came back to Elena's house cuz she had an open house that night and Alicia, Phoebe, Kenrick and myself was invited. We had malaccan laksa and played true or dare the rest of the time. The game was fun but now come to think about it, it's kinda stupid. I overnighted in Elena's house last night and this afternoon we took the train to Gombak to attend Stephanie's open house. Shaz, Trent, Ed, Elena and myself were the xfreshers who attended and the rest were her schoolmates and other friends. Ed was helping Stephanie maintain her PC whie Elena and I were busy reading palms for free. It was rather interesting being able to read different people and its all for myself to know. At 7pm, we took the train back to Subang, had dinner and here I am blogging about everything. I'm so exhausted I've no idea when I'll finish listening to these cds.

A Record of Events

2004-01-29T19:31:00.000-08:00

Today was a fun one. First of all because I did my first dimensional design assignment which is to draw the plan, front and side elevation of a PIANO!! It tooks me 6 hours including times I used to measure some parts of the piano I've missed out. I never took any rest. Never crossed my mind to, didn't even drink water. And I completed my work at 7:30pm. It was quite hazzardous at first becuz I tawt I bought the wrong scale ruler. I was devastated trtying to locate Frank during lunch hour. Thank god he came to me when he returned. My savior! And I was drawing without a set square. How silly of me to leave it behind. I also left my compass at home so I had to agak-agak when drawing the curves. Psssst....dun tell anyone! After everything's done, the ink smudged when I was labeling with my parker ballpen! stupid thing....I changed pen and everything else went well. Then at 7:30pm, Elena picked me up from college, sent Alicia home and we went to Swee's open house. 3-in-1! It was Michelle's bday, CNY open house and swee's farewell party. It was sooooo difficult to find his house. We went round and round USJ12 and when we found the place we couldn't find a place to park the car! And I was very hungry then. Felicia and Amy was already there. We had some little chats with them and when Amy called Yewin he was at home blur as ever and thought the party is TOMORROW! And he thought I said it when I didn't. But that was a very small problem only. I'm not fretting. Just trying to joke. But it doesn't sound at all like one. The fun part was when we started playing blackjack. I was winning and loosing like usual and I didn't notice swee was loosing all the while. Then when Elena came stood behind me, I kept winning! I was betting RM1 in all games and I won RM13 when I left. Actually Yewin was winning too but when he became the chonker, he lost everything in one shot! Muahahahah!!!! So am I the grand winner? Don't think so cuz I left, Swee was at his 3rd game as the chionker and he was winning like hell! But dunno y money doesn't excite me so there's no point playing. We had to leave early cuz Elena have a meeting at 12 midnight and we had to get up early next morning for astro carnival. *yawn* Gonna miss Swee...*sob*

Bye-Bye Jason

2004-01-28T02:17:00.000-08:00

I'm hungry and a little sad. It was VERY sad at first but after realising that the situation isn't as bad as I think, I feel better. I'm sad cause Jason changed course AGAIN! This time its civil engineering. His dad disallow him to do Interior designing. He was supposed to give me some stuffs after CNY but msged me last night cuz he left them in Ipoh, his hometown, so he has to give them to me later. Reckless me to had left my cellphone at home. Jason tried contacting me but failed. He knows my schedule so he came looking for me in drawing class. I wasn't expecting him. But he came to repeat what he said yesterday on the phone. hehe! silly fella. When he told me about his change of plan few days ago, I had a million questions ready to ask him. But when I saw him in class today, I didn't know what to say. *sigh* After seing him I was practically half dreaming away while Jolly was teaching. Pssst...nobody knew. At that time my body was burning like a torch and I felt very bad for loosing a good classmate. Chan gave us an assignment to draw the plan of a piano so I went measuring it after drawing class and I saw Jason again! hehehe! He asked me about this guy who was with me and I told him I dislike that fella because yada...yada... and when I asked him in return, he said everything was alright. Now I feel so unfair cuz I let him know so much. I know he doesn't enjoy engineering. Moreover its CIVIL engineering. What kind of father is that to force his own son into doing things he dislike!

Happy Birthday Elena Tong

2004-01-27T08:06:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Elena! She FINALLY turned 18 today(Wednesday). John and Elena had a combine birthday bash on Monday at Elena's house. They had a nice chocolate mud cake as the birthday cake. We had pizza for dinner and at 10pm we went to kafe 7, had a few games of pool and I playeed foosball for the 1st time and SYIOK MAN! I looove that game! It's so exciting especially being the goalkeeper. I wanna play it more! That night, I sleeped over at Elena's house and the next day Elena, Han and myself went to watch Silverhawk at MidValley. It was such a nice show though the actions are quite fake. We went to Taman Mega for dinner and the food the there is so yummy! I so want to try all the food but unfortunately I only had 1 stomach to feed. College resumes tomorrow. I'll blog more then.