Yvonne Foong -

It's happening again. That mixed feeling of perplexed thoughts. Feels like milk shake bottled up inside, contents reaching the rim and about to explode. Once in a blue moon, I'll open to cap and let go some air to ease the pressure. But it soon builds up again. *sigh* why am I human?

I always thought of myself as an easygoing person. Probably the most forgetful critter around. But that's not always true. There are some things in the past that I cannot forgive myself. I still cling on to it, like it or not. But that's besides the point. Alan walked me over to Yen's place last night. It was just the two of us. He tried to strike up conversations. Well, that's the good thing when you have someone equally talkative. But since he asked me about my illness and my reluctance to tell, I've wearing this imaginary armour.

I don't know what makes the difference this time. Maybe I'm afraid of being categorised as ILL. I don't want to be known that way. This time, I hate changes. I don't want things to change for the worse. I don't want to loose what I have. But I also can't wait to break loose. *sigh* Maybe I'm sitting at home too much.

To read or not to read, that is the question. It seems like literature compasses a big part of english language studies. There aren't many institutions around offering English Language courses without having to do with literature such as what's offered at Open Univ.

I've done it before. Didn't score well but I'd to cram 6 other subjects into my schedule. But it's much different now. Complete self study via distance learning, lotsa research, (hopefully no drama involved) and if I'm good enough, a diploma in 1 year and a BA in another 2 years. Or at my own pace since I'm gonna be flying about. Who knows, I might become a virtuoso writer. haha! But journalists are underpaid nowadays.

Then again, LITERATURE!?!?! HELLO! But then again, I'll be reading texts at completely different angles so.. it might be fun. But am I diligent enough for self study? *sigh* But think about a british degree from UOL for the cost of a proton car. Tempting, isn't it?

What about Philosophy? I think I'd be more interested in it than literature. I'm after all, inquisitive and intriguing. HEHE! But.. is it marketable in Malaysia? will I be able to get a job with it? Anyone knows anything about all these? Do drop a note.

Boo! Nah I'm not dead. I just didn't have anything to blog, that's all. Until now, I suspect my parents are hiding the fact that I've an eligitimate twin. haha! just joking. But really, I found a soulmate. (soulmates can be family, friends etc)

Yep, I'm talking about Alan. We share a great deal of common interests. We both like fine art, classical music, easy listening songs, company of a few good friends instead of a crowd and quiet places. Our favourite sport is figure skating and we both love to sing!

We dislike pc games, noisy & congested places, competition, fake people and we hate Jay Chou. We're exactly on the same base. We can be equally honest, patient & understanding. Our priorities are very close too! Gosh, God is being so kind to me. And he reminds me of Lee Hom! hehehe.. please excuse me.

I woke up feeling depressed & knew I shouldn't stay home any longer. So I asked Alan if he's free & we headed to KLCC, wanting to visit the skybridge but later realise it's closed 4 Hari Raya! So we window shopped around 4 some time 'til I suggested Cosmo's World. We took a bus to Sungei Wang under the heavy rain & then headed to Low Yat Plaza to do something to his laptop. We had lunch there & it's really nice cuz we had a heart-to-heart chat. He's being so honest with me, I'm quite surprised to know that men can actually get so personal. After lunch, we went to Cosmo's World & played like mad until around 6 something be4 we headed home.

Alan's so sweet. He planned to visit his friend in SS2 but chose to accompany me instead & he does whatever I want. He always put me be4 himself in any situation. The poor fella was nausious at the theme park but he 'pushed' himself to the limit so I'd be happy. And I really did! Those rides made me forget my worries. But I think the most memorable part was running in the rain under a small little foldable umbrella, from KLCC to the bus stop, from the next stop to Low Yat & from there to Times Square. We got wet anyway but it was fun. haha!

Now I regret not buying the roller coaster candid shot for remembrance. sheeeeeeeesh!

Yesterday was so much fun. It was Phoebe's barbeque party and I got to meet up with a lot of people I haven't seen in some time like Trent and Han. Alan came along too and I am so glad he manage to fit in thanks to Han because they both can communicate in mandarin, about the same age, and Han's working Alan's ambition. As for Kenrick, he turned up in the end cuz I smsed and said I hate him for not coming. Haha! cheeky cheeky~~! I played this car racing game on Syefri's laptop and wow! I'm amused by his graphics card and speed. Around 11 something, kenrick and I was flipping thru the papers and suddenly it hit us to watch a movie now and then. So I checked which cinema still sells ticket at that time and we rushed to midvalley by midnight. And we made it! thanks to Han's driving. We manage to buy the last 4 tickets, how lucky! we watched The Shutter, a Thai horror movie at past midnight! That was cool! Pity Kenrick had to go home alone when everyone else goes home to our families. hahaha! oh and the movie is good. better than those Japanese horrors. We were back at 3am. And tonight's Alicia's b'day bash so... I gtg!

I am going to get a hearing aid. The biCROS seems good cuz it picks up sounds from the deaf ear and route it to the good ear and amplifies the sounds heard from the good ear as well. But my audiologist says that since I have bilateral AN, mild tinnitus in the good ear, the CROS might not sound good for me. So she recommends a normal hearing aid to improve the good ear to excellency. I hope that I will retain hearing for at least 30-40 years more before I will need the Auditory Brainstem Implant.

The doc will let me try on both aids to choose which I want. Hopefully the CROS is good. Then it is as though I can hear again! I am so anxious... but have to wait till January to do the fitting and then there's lots of tuning and programming to be done.

I am accepted into this local community college in Johor to study a subject that only they offer in this country. It was weeks ago when my application was approved but the supposed offer letter has not arrived. I was pretty anxious about getting there, the fun of living on my own in a kind of place I always wanted.

But I am not so sure now. Mom reminded me about the mail delay so I gave them a call to check my status. I used to be very proactive when it comes to new plans and what more studying out of town independantly? That was 3 years ago and everything has changed. There's so much for me to do. I have to keep in contact with both my surgeons, go for check-ups, run tests, find ways to deal with my health, and I just got myself involved in a pharmaceutical research in New York. I will need at least 1 surgery next year and I will be away again for some time.

See...NF plays an important role in my life. It affects my progress, as though it is paving the way for me. My aunt feels that I should study and take time off when I have to and then get back to it when I am over with whatever that stops me. That's easy for her to say but it gets really stressful. I am not sure if I can take care of myself with my poor health and bad stamina. Heck I tried jogging and waddya know I twisted my ankle because my nerves have not healed in 2 years. Adding that SC has such a big compound.

I am really REALLY afraid to make the next move. I am not sure which path should I take. If I don't attend college then what should I do? oh god... this scares the hell out of me. Thank goodness I have Allan to cheer me up now. He's really unique. He's never seen unhappy and nothing really gets in his way. Time passes faster now that he entered my life and I get to put my sorrows behind for awhile.

So guys, what do you think I should do?

Blog oh blog... I have sooo many things to say, but can only limit to 1 topic at a time, or my dear visitors will fall asleep. Ooooh blog, what should I crap about this time? About my new flirt? Well he's this cute dude I see EVERYDAY *drool*. But guess what, I dreamt of my ex few nights ago which foretells the reoccurence of a similiar situation. *faint*Well truthfully he wasn't bad and he did leave a deep impact in me, but it wasn't how and what I want in my life. I got this book from Elena which describes his personality by numerology and it's so blastid true and so like my ex. This is CRAZY!!!

Oh..I can't help but include this.. should I attend this audition for musical vocalist at Istana Budaya next week? It's at 8pm, what a bad time to travel down town. We're also required to dance. Aiyoooh.. artists life is difficult nowadays. So what am I going to sing? Oh... my ex-director cum composer did say I have broadway quality. kekeke...

and lastly, my MRI appointment is in February 2005. *faint*